


Wrap Your Arms Around Me

by mooonwaffle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bottom Merlin, Boys Kissing, Denial, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Relationships, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gaius is so confused, Gwaine Being Gwaine, Gwaine Knows, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin is super submissive and he knows it, Mordred and Merlin are "studying", Mordred is angry at Arthur for how he treats Merlin, Mordred is hitting on Merlin, Nightmares, Pining Mordred, Sexual Content, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepy Cuddles, Straddling, Top Mordred, Whump, arthur being a prat, mostly just cuddling, not smut, shirtless cuddles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-06-29 23:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15739893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooonwaffle/pseuds/mooonwaffle
Summary: Merlin has sleeping troubles, nightmares that plague his sleep. Gaius’ medicine can’t always do the trick, so that’s when Mordred steps in.Arthur is struggling himself to make his own decisions as king. He hadn’t always agreed with everything his father had done, so how could he make choices of his own without letting his people or himself down?♦*Takes place during the time Mordred gets knighted





	1. Rabbits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this new book. I've been thinking about it for a while and I finally decided to start writing it. Let me know what you think. Please leave a comment and a kudos, I really appreciate it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -PC <3

Chapter One- Rabbits

 

 **MERLIN WAS HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE.** He was practically starving as he followed his King through the never-ending forest, running to catch up to him since they had lost their horses. His stomach growled loudly and ferociously, causing the blond man in front of his to turn and glare darts.

“What?,” he exclaimed, “I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since a small bowl of porridge last night,” he mumbled to himself, crossing his thin arms over his chest.

“Well, why the hell not?” Arthur scoffed.

“Because I was running chores all morning for a clotpole called Arthur. Have you heard of him? He’s a real ass.”

“Shut up, Merlin. You’re the whole reason we’re in this mess, to begin with,” Arthur remarked.

“Me? Oh, no, no, no. This is actually the one time I didn’t do anything wrong,” he defended, running a bit more to catch up with Arthur once again.

The King of Camelot and his manservant had left their castle with a dozen Knights on a mission to bring back Gwaine and Leon. The two had gone missing over two weeks ago. There was no doubt in Merlin’s mind that Morgana had something to do with this.

On their way through the woods, they had been ambushed by a group of Saxons. They stayed on their feet fighting for a while before the King was struck and passed out. Merlin had dragged him out of harm’s way and waited until he woke up. They were too far to go back and retrieve their men or their horses. Besides, they had a mission to fulfil and that meant using as much time as they had very wisely.

They had been walking for what felt like and was hours. Arthur didn’t want to admit it, but he was starving as well. Although he _had_ eaten breakfast. So in his mind somewhere, he was quite honestly feeling bad for his servant. He just hoped they would get out of the forest soon to save their best Knights.

Soon, the two men made it to a small clearing in the middle of the forest. They continued on their walk until Merlin stopped halfway to look at something on the ground.

“Merlin, you’re slowing me down! If you don’t enhance your speed, I will carry you. And I’m not even joking,” Arthur sighed from in front of him without looking at his scrawny manservant behind. When he did turn to look, his eyes fell to where Merlin’s gaze was. On two dead rabbits on an oddly placed pile of leaves.

“Look, dinner!” Merlin smiled and stepped forward to grab the bunnies. Arthur, for once being the smarter of the bunch, pushed Merlin out of the way. But it was too late, the trap had been set up and a net pulled their bodies in like a tornado.

“Merlin, I can’t take you anywhere without you messing something up," Arthur yelled, clearly annoyed at his servant's actions.

"I thought there were rabbits! How could I have known it was a trap?" Merlin defended himself as he looked down at the bunnies at the bottom of the net they were trapped in. He tried to find an opening or a tear in a seam to climb out of but he was not successful.

"Why would there be food laying perfectly on the ground? Wasn't that the least bit suspicious to you?" Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head in disappointment,

"I'm hungry! My thoughts were... warped," he mumbled to himself with a small shrug.

"Well, here," Arthur exclaimed sarcastically, holding out one of the rabbits to his servant, "would you like some seasoning with that?"

"I can't wait to get out of here so I can-"

"What? Hurt me with those things you call arms?" Arthur scoffed, "if I could just reach my sword, I could cut the ropes and we'd be out of here," he explained, trying to grab his sword.

Merlin let out a cry, "argh! Arthur, don't put your knee there!"

"Where?"

"On my crotch, you prat!" Merlin pushed the man off, causing him to lose his sword in the process. He watched it clutter to the ground in one foul swoop.

"Merlin!" He screamed and swatted at his manservant’s head.

"That was your fault! If you had found a better place to put your knee, preferably not on my crotch, _that_ wouldn't have happened!"

“Maybe you should’ve just moved out of my way, you idiot!”

For the next hour, Arthur tried to bite, tear, scratch and kick his way out of the neck, all the while joking that if he got out, he wouldn't go back to save Merlin. But nothing he did help in the least.

Merlin, on the other hand, had given up after his King’s fifth attempt at getting out. And not soon after, he joined him.

“I give up,” he sighed, massaging his temples with his fingers.

“About time. Now can we sacrifice ourselves to the underworld and call it a day?”

“Shut up, Merlin. Go to sleep.”

Oh, how he wishes he could.

▬▬▬♡▬▬▬

Merlin’s thoughts were interrupted by soft talking and footsteps sounding like they were coming closer and closer. It was still early morning and he couldn't make out who they belonged to. Maybe it was one of the knights?

Suddenly, there was a ripping sound near the net and not a moment later, it fell to the ground, their bodies with it. Merlin groaned and rolled over on his side, picking himself up.

"Sorry, did we wake you?" A man behind them asked condescendingly.

_No._

Arthur tried to grab his sword but the man held his out in front of him before he could do so, "not so fast, King Arthur."

Merlin thought quickly and stepped in front of his King the sword the man was pointing, "you'll have to kill me first,” he spoke determinedly.

"Merlin, you idiot," Arthur muttered, doing everything in his power not to roll his eyes.

Merlin looked past the man before him and to the right. There was another man, this one much younger, standing several meters behind him. Merlin could've sworn he'd seen him before.

“How sweet, you wish to protect your King. Very well, young man,” he held his sword back and readied it, waiting to thrust it into Merlin.

"Shouldn't we let the Lady Morgana decide their fate?" The boy Merlin had just been looking at spoke.

That was it, all he needed was that voice. Merlin knew exactly who the man before him was.

"Mordred," he mumbled under his breath. But the young man must've heard, turning his head towards Merlin. They stared long and hard at each other. Merlin was trying to figure out where the boy he once knew had gone. He had grown up apparently. Surprisingly well. The curls fit his face seemingly perfectly. He had grown tall and strong like he was fit to fight. Merlin didn't know what he was thinking but he wanted so badly that the man in front of him hadn't been evil and working with Morgana.

Mordred turned his head towards the King and smirked, "hello, Arthur."

“Very well, tie them up. We need to get a move on to please the Lady Morgana sufficiently.”

Men threw Arthur and Merlin’s arms in front of them and tied their hands together with rope. They attached the end to a wagon. It was then that they noticed another handful of prisoners attached behind the wagon. Some gave them small sympathetic smiles whilst others shot them glares. They seemed to be no in between.

Merlin gave another innocent look at Mordred who was walking in the front of the wagon like a free man. He quickly looked away when the boy noticed his stare.

“See, look what you’ve done, you idiot!” Arthur tried to swat him in the head but he was unsuccessful when he remembered his hands were tied up.

“But look, we’re going the opposite direction we came from and they’re leading us straight to Morgana. We still have a chance to save Gwaine and Leon and run.”

“Sometimes I think you’re too optimistic.”

▬▬▬♡▬▬▬

They had thrown them on the ground whilst they ate in the warmth of a fire. The King had fallen asleep and most of the Saxons along with him. Merlin was one of the less fortunate who just couldn't.

He was staring into the night sky, counting the nearly invisible stars to keep himself entertained in the sleepless abyss of darkness. They had travelled the whole day again and were given nothing to eat. He was thankful he hadn’t passed out from an empty stomach yet.

Merlin closed his eyes for only a minute. He knew better to leave them closed. He could risk falling asleep and he didn’t want that. But he wasn’t lying down on the ground so he’d doubt he would.

The warlock felt someone kneel beside him and he turned to see a blue-eyed man, face wrapped in a dark scarf. He looked warm bundled up like that. The mop of curls held out a piece of bread for him.

"You're hungry, are you not? Take it," he spoke softly. Merlin stared at the food in his outreached hand and scoffed.

"Don't speak to me like that," he muttered.

"Like what?"

"Like you've done nothing wrong."

"Don't forget it is you who tried to kill me once, Emrys," he stared into the older boy's eyes with his, "now, take it. Feed your King."

Merlin sighed and took it from his hands. He shuddered as their fingers grazed each other's. Merlin set the piece of bread down next to his King and turned back to the curly haired man.

“Why are you not eating?” He asked Merlin with a warm expression, rather than a cold one. This confused the warlock. Why would someone working for Morgana treat him like this?

Merlin shook his head at his question and looked in between his feet at the cold, whitened snow.

"Why are you not sleeping?"

"It is none of your concern, Mordred," he snarled, testing his name out on his tongue for the second time that day. It sounded foreign, he hadn't said it in such a long time and this time, it held a different meaning.

"Insomnia then?"

Merlin rolled his eyes and leant back into the snow, "goodnight, Mordred."

“Very well, Emrys.”

  
  



	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin realizes another side to Mordred while suffering another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! Feedback is much appreciated.

Chapter Two-Nightmares 

  


**MERLIN HAZILY MOVED HIS EYES** towards the blurry figures to his right. He couldn’t make out much, but well enough to see Mordred thrust a dagger into Morgana when she wasn’t looking. The sorceress fell to the ground and gasped as she turned to see her former ally with a plain look on his face, holding the weapon.

Mordred had stabbed her to save Arthur. Why? Why would he do that after he’d allied himself with her? And why did he let Merlin and Arthur go when they made an escape the night Mordred had offered him food? He didn’t understand! He’s destined to kill Arthur so why was he saving him?

Darkness began overtaking Merlin’s vision. The last thing he saw was Mordred taking Arthur into his arms and walking him out of the cave.

▬▬▬♡▬▬▬

Mordred was being knighted before him and it was truly a scene he never thought he’d witness. Mordred had proved that maybe, just possibly his heart wasn’t made of cold, rock-hard ice and that part of him was a good man. But that didn’t mean he could let his guard down.

He really wanted nothing more than for Mordred’s destiny not to be what it was. He wished he could trust the young man and not be afraid when he stepped into the same room as his King. But destiny couldn’t change and it wouldn’t. If Mordred was meant to kill Arthur, he’d kill him. And that was just a risk Merlin wasn’t willing to take.

“Rise, Sir Mordred of Camelot.”

The warlock watched as the curly haired man rose to his feet, Arthur smiling in pride when he does so.

He heard the large crowd of people surrounding him begin to clap and cheer. But Merlin couldn’t bring himself to it. He was too worried that the man destined to kill his King would be walking the halls of the very same castle he ruled.

Merlin looked at Mordred in time to see that he too had been staring at him. The druid sent him a small smile before turning back to Arthur and nodding.

Once the ceremony had ended, Arthur and Merlin walked to chambers. He closed the door behind him and began picking out his nightgown from the cupboard.

“Arthur,” he mumbled unconfidently.

“Yes, Merlin?” The King answered from behind the changing screen. The servant handed him his gown and a moment later he walked out and took a seat at the table.

“Do you trust Mordred?” He asked as he walked closer.

“He saved my life.”

“But do you trust him? How do you know it wasn’t a one-time thing? How do you know he won’t betray you?”

He'd done it once before. Why was Arthur so keen on the man and knighting him? He couldn't understand how he felt.

“I made him Knight for a reason, Merlin. I don’t think he’ll betray us. He seems like a kind-hearted young man,” he replied, picking up an apple from the table and taking a bite into it, “it sounds like you’re the one who doesn’t trust him.”

“I want to but I can’t,” the warlock sighed, taking a seat next to Arthur.

“And why’s that?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Tell me,” the King laughed, “what wouldn’t I understand from a dumb, idiot of a servant?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and shot up from his seat, “there are things you don’t need to know. Now, shall I do anything else or may I return to my chambers?”

“You may leave, Merlin,” Arthur laughed once more while shaking his head.

Merlin walked straight out of Arthur’s chambers and into the hall, shutting the doors behind him. Sometimes he just wanted to reveal his magic to Arthur and tell him of Mordred's destiny. But he knew he never could. The King's mind was manipulated from all the dark magic he'd seen. Like how his mother died or his father was taken or how he watched his sister slowly grow corrupted into an evil sorceress. He had only ever seen the worst of the worst. Obviously, there was just as much good magic as there was bad, maybe more. Only, the kind-willed warlocks and sorcerers lived in their own shadows, not daring to peek out from them because of the ban on their magic. Keeping his secret from Arthur would just have to be something he'd live with. If anyone was stubborn, it would be King Arthur.

Instead of walking back to his own chambers like he'd told Arthur, he made a left turn and headed to where most of the knights stayed. Knights who did have a spouse simply lived in their own homes while the unmarried stayed in the castle. Obviously, Mordred was one of the latter. At least he thought so. The man didn't strike him as one to become romantically involved with another.

He knew exactly which room he was staying in because it had been vacant since Sir Ozmac’s death during a battle against ruthless bandits. It was a tragic death and although he hadn't known the man that well, it still left a tiny dent in his heart. He could only assume the no longer vacant room now belonged to the curly haired boy. He spotted it from  a few paces away and stepped up close, knocking lightly on the wood.

“Come in,” called a soft voice from inside. Merlin hesitantly walked in and closed the door behind him. What was he doing? Why was he even standing here right now? He must've made a terrible choice.

Mordred seemed to be struggling with the clasp on his cape. Merlin’s lips twitched with a small smile for a split second at the young man’s difficulties. He walked closer and put his hands over the clasp. He undid it and pulled the cape off of him.

“You know,” Merlin spoke, “things would be very different if Arthur knew you had magic,” he began to fold his cape into fifths before setting it down beside him, “tell me something.”

“Of course,” Mordred replied quickly, facing Merlin’s direction.

“Why did you save Arthur life?”

“Because he is right,” Mordred looked into the older boy’s eyes for the first time that day, “the love that binds us is more important than the power we wield.”

Merlin looked away towards the ground but couldn’t deny the feeling of warmth in his heart. He looked up to see that Mordred was shooting him a smile. He nodded back and turned to head out.

“You look tired, Emrys,” Mordred’s voice filled the room once again.

“My name is Merlin,” he muttered, not looking back.

“You look tired, Merlin. When was the last time you slept?”

Merlin stayed silent and gave him no response. He continued to walk out of the room and back to Gaius’ chambers.

When he walked inside, Gaius turned and was already sending him a _look._

“What?” Merlin snapped.

“Mordred was just knighted. I was expecting a rather worried look on your face.”

“I’m more confused than I am worried,” he sighed, taking a seat at their small dinner table.

“What are you confused about, my boy?” Gaius asked him as he set two bowls of soup down on the table as well as a loaf of bread.

“He’s nice, he’s warm-hearted, he cares about everyone and thinks we all deserve seconds chances, even Morgana. But one day, he will kill Arthur and I can’t allow that to happen.”

“You don’t know that for sure. Destinies aren’t always meant to come true. If what you say about Mordred is true, that he is a kind man, then why would he kill the King? You mustn’t think in the future. You cannot predict what will happen.”

Merlin sighed and looked down at his hands, “thank you, Gaius. I’m not very hungry, I think I’ll just go to my room is that’s alright.”

“But when was the last time you’ve eaten?”

“A couple days ago, but don’t worry, I’ll eat in the morning,” Merlin smiled and walked up the few steps to get to his room. He opened the door and shut it behind him before collapsing onto his bed. He wanted so badly to fall asleep. It had been two days since he slept, well, a couple hours if you count being knocked out for a few minutes.

He closed his eyes and alas, sleep overtook him.

*  *  *

_They were running. Running away from something. They were running away from him. Was he really such a monster? He hadn’t thought so but they were terrified. Maybe he was a monster._

_“No, please, don’t hurt my son!” A woman cried._

_“Hurt your s- no! Why would I ever do that?” Merlin exclaimed._

_“Because you’re a monster, Emrys! A monster!”_

_Suddenly, he was tied to a wooden pole. He looked at his surroundings to see a whole pool of people cheering. But at what? It was then that he realized he was about to be burnt at the stake._

_“Please, no! Arthur, don’t!” He cried at his King who had just nodded at his men to start fire, “what did I do?!”_

_“You were born!” Arthur roared and suddenly flames were surrounding him._

_He cried in pain as the heat crawled up his skin and attacked. He felt like he was burning in Hell._

_“Good riddance to you,” Arthur smirked at him through the fire. He let out another pained cry, driving his nails into the palm of his hand._

_“Long live the King! Long live the King! Long live the King!”_

*  *  *

Merlin shot up, breathing heavily with sweat dripping down his forehead. He peeled off his shirt, something he normally did anyway because he woke up like this so many times before. The warlock looked outside to see it had only gotten slightly darker from the last time he’d seen the sky. It was still night which meant he’d be up for several hours. So much for resting his mind and body.

_‘Emrys.’_

He heard his name and it was obvious it was Mordred in his mind.

_‘Emrys!’_

_‘What?’_ He snapped back at the man.

_‘Are you alright? I could feel your panic.’_

_‘I’m fine. Sorry, I woke you. Just go back to sleep.’_

_‘I never fell asleep. I was thinking too much.’_

_‘Thinking about what?’_ Merlin questioned.

There was a slight pause, _‘you.’_

Merlin’s breathing hitched, _‘why? What about?’_

_‘Don’t flatter yourself, I was thinking about you because I was contemplating my day; saving Arthur, stabbing Morgana… all that.’_

Merlin let his words sink in for a second but before he could answer, Mordred spoke again.

_‘What happened?’_

_‘I’m fine.’_

_‘Merlin, I could sit here all day and listen to you lie to me or you could just tell me the truth.’_

_‘Nightmares,’_ he muttered in his mind.

_‘What’d you dream about?’_

_‘Why should I tell you? I don’t have any reason to trust you.’_

_‘You have many reasons, Emrys. You just chose not to see them.’_

Merlin didn’t reply after that. He simply, sat on his bed, looking out the window until morning came round and he could go on with his normal duties, playing pretend that he had gotten enough sleep.


	3. Painting Moons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write this chapter with a little less dialogue and I found that although it's more time-consuming, I like the final product more and I have a higher confidence with the outcome. Thanks for the suggestion, fellow reader.
> 
> Also, hold on, I swear this story gets better! (Or at least I hope) There will be a lot of Merdred in the next chapter :)

Chapter Three-Painting Moons 

  


**MERLIN HAD GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO THE SILENCE** that followed the restless nights and sleepless mornings. He could mimic the sounds of chirping crickets and barking dogs perfectly in his mind. He could paint the stars and the moon on his hand with invisible ink and memorize the names of the drunks whos wives angrily called them inside from the streets below.

When Merlin was younger and still living in Eldor with his mother, she’d sing him songs and tell him stories to help him fall into a peaceful slumber. Those were the only things that worked. And although Gaius’ salves and medicines for his nightmares helped, they didn’t cure him like Mother’s tales and melodies. Sometimes he wished he could just go back to his small, dainty village and live with Mother again. His nightmares would go away once again and the gap in his heart would finally be filled.

But he couldn’t leave Arthur’s side and he wouldn’t until the day he died. That’s how things were and there was nothing to change that. So he could never just move back home into the loving arms of Mother where he wouldn’t memorize the names of drunks yelling loudly on the streets or have to trace the moon on his palm to keep himself entertained.

Merlin rose when the sun had been up for a couples hours. It was a sign that it was time to retrieve Arthur’s food from the kitchens and wake the prat up. He suddenly felt very lightheaded when he got up from bed. He held his head and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the blurriness to go away. Finally, he walked out of his room and down the small flight of steps. He stole a piece of bread off the table and made his way to the kitchen.

The castle was still quite dim and the shadows lurking in his surroundings began to freak him out a bit. Maybe it was because he hadn’t slept for three days or maybe he was just going a little crazy- no, that wasn't the right word. He was simply sleep deprived.

After finishing his piece of bread, he picked up Arthur’s tray from the table in the kitchen and walked back up to the King’s chambers. He didn’t bother knocking because he was still asleep so he barged in and tore the curtains to the side, exposing the sun into the dark.

“Morning,” he mumbled. Woah! His voice and tone even scared him. He sounded so dull and angry; not Merlin like at all. Arthur groaned loudly and pulled the sheets over his head, silently complaining as usual, “Arthur, get up,” he tiredly sighed. He was so done with everybody and it was barely morning.

“What’s gotten you all moody? I mean, more than usual,” Arthur grumbled as he pulled the covers off his body and walked over to the table. He sat down and began eating from the tray Merlin just retrieved. Merlin stayed silent and shook his head slightly as he began picking up little things in Arthur’s room and tidying up, “okay, now I know something’s up. You never just start doing your chores without me ordering you to do them.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t complain about it then, seeing as I never do this and it’s making your job easier,” he mumbled once again while picking up a few dirty dishes and stacking them high. He stared at them, beginning to zone out. Boy, was he tired and hungry...

“Merlin! Merlin!” The King’s roaring voice seemed to fill his ears yet again, “earth to my clumsy manservant! I didn’t think the plates were that entertaining. Yet another... talent of yours that doesn’t cease to amaze me.”

Merlin fought back the urge to roll his eyes.

“As I was trying to say before started to staring contest with the dishes, grab me my clothes and chainmail.”

Merlin grabbed a plain white tunic and pair of trousers from the cupboard. He tossed them to Arthur as he walked behind the screen to change. When he came out, Merlin suited him up in his armour and handed him his sword.

He followed his King down to the training grounds and took his place at the wall to observe them all and be at the ready if Arthur needed him.

He watched as more and more knights piled into the training ground. Gwaine patted him on the shoulder as he walked by but quickly reversed himself back to the warlock’s side.

“You look like shit, mate. What happened?” He said rather blunt, nothing unusual for the odd, knight.

“Restless night, nothing important,” Merlin replied shortly with a shrug of the shoulders.

Gwaine bothered him a few more times before the King yelled for him, causing him to run back to the scene.

 

▬▬▬▬▬▬

 

Merlin found that everytime Mordred so much as raised his sword, his heart skipped a beat and his breathing hitched. How could he trust him with his King? He could, at any moment, strike him down and no one would be prepared.

His heart palpitations were the only thing keeping him awake, which he mentally thanked Mordred for because it would be a rather embarrassing scene if he suddenly had a nightmare in front of the whole group of knights.

He found the druid man sometimes gazing over towards his direction and making eye contact with him. Merlin would mentally cringe and look the other way. It’s not that he hated Mordred, he certainly didn’t. He just couldn’t allow himself to get close and risk compromising the safety of his King. He also decided he couldn’t let his guard down ever. He would have to constantly watch the young man and make sure he wasn’t secretly plotting to kill Arthur.

He wished it didn’t have to be that way. But if Mordred was destined to kill Arthur, why wouldn’t he do it? Merlin thought back to what Gaius had said about Mordred. He’d said that destiny didn’t have to come true and if Mordred was as kind as Merlin thought, why would he suddenly want to kill the king?

He felt the blue-eyed man’s gaze on his again. This time when he picked his head up, he looked him straight into the eyes. They were beautiful, to say the least. How could a person who would do such evil have such kind, innocent, gorgeous blue eyes? Gwaine suddenly slung an arm over the knight’s shoulder, causing their stares to come to end.

He found himself almost missing the other man’s gaze. This was probably because now he had no one to keep him from falling asleep. That could only be and was the only reason he missed it. There was nothing more it than that.

 

▬▬▬▬▬▬

 

Gaius, to say the least, was incredibly concerned for Merlin’s health and wellbeing. He, of course, noticed how he’d be sleeping less and less and how his eyes didn’t sparkle as much and dark half-moons lied underneath them. He noticed how his hands shook and how he held his eyes when he got up too fast. He noticed how he wasn’t as often as he hoped and when he did it wasn’t enough. The boy seemed to be struggling but even in the midst of it all, he still worried about Arthur more than himself.

He capped of a small potion bottle with a piece of cloth and a string to hold it tight, placing it on Merlin’s bedside table. This bottle was stronger than the last and there was no doubt in his mind that the young warlock would complain even more about the taste and smell. It amused and caused him grief over how the boy could withstand the pain and weight on his shoulders but not a simple remedy.

He heard the door shut and footsteps walking up. A raven-haired man peeked out through the door and slightly smiled when he saw Gaius. Although, he was too tired for it to even reach his cheeks or stay there for longer than a short second, “hello, Gaius,” the boy yawned.

“Hello, Merlin. I made you another dose of the sleeping draft. It is to the right of your bed.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled sheepishly.

“I also made you dinner. It is in a bowl downstairs but I was hungry and didn’t wait for you.”

“That’s okay. Arthur kept me busy all day with chore-” Merlin couldn’t finish his sentence because he’d seemed to have tripped over a book on the ground. He was sent to the ground with great force. Groaning, he picked himself up and held his elbow in pain. Arthur was right, he _was_ clumsy. Even more so without sleep.

Gaius checked over it to see if anything was broken and after deciding he was alright, he retrieved the soup from the table downstairs and brought it up to his surrogate son. Merlin ate away at the stew with the wooden spoon until there was nothing left. Gaius sent him a grateful smile and brought it back downstairs with him after they said goodnight.

Now, the moment Merlin had been dreading was here. There was no doubt in his mind that he would have another nightmare. Although they didn’t happen every night, they occurred frequently, especially after not sleeping for several days. He hoped and hoped that he could just for once sleep peacefully, but of course, that wouldn’t happen. Hardly anything ever worked out for the young warlock.

He slipped his shirt off and climbed under the thin sheets on his bed. He instantly felt even more tired when his head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes. He only thought of sweet memories and good things, maybe it would help him have a kind dream instead of a horrific and terrifying one, although he doubted it’d work. When did he become such a downer anyway?

Merlin had always been that happy guy who only ever wore a smile on his face. Was it that the nightmares were getting worse and more frequent? Was this why he was finding himself falling into a depression? _Depression._ That word left a bitter taste in his mouth. He never thought he would ever associate that word with himself. And is that really what it was or were the restless nights just causing him sadness? Oh well, nothing to stress out about, right?

The warlock’s vision began to fade and he almost didn’t notice himself falling into a semi-deep sleep.

 

* * *

 

_He watched as the curly haired man rose his sword and swung it at his King like a lunatic, yelling horrible things to him as he attacked. The King, of course, foght back, but Merlin could tell that there was something in his eyes. Some sort of worry or hesitance. Did Arthur think Mordred was stronger than him? He wasn’t! Maybe magically but with swords, Arthur had been the one who’d taught him!_

_Merlin tried to use his magic against the betrayer but he turned to him and shot him back before he could even mutter any magic words. The warlock groaned in pain and moved off the giant boulder he’d been thrust into._

_They was more yelling; so much of it. Mordred was yelling mean and hateful things at him, accusing him of killing and imprisoning his people, which he was guilty of. Arthur yelled back and fought back with all his life._

_Merlin nearly screamed when the attacker slashed Arthur on the neck. He was bleeding more and more by the second. He had to do something before his King fell and died._

_Merlin walked up to Mordred and yelled a spell. The man was knocked down to his back. Thorns from a nearby bush wrapped around his feet and hands, pulling him closer to the ground and trapping him there._

_He turned back to Arthur who was now holding his gaping cut and staring at Merlin in awe and disappointment._

_“Arthur-” Merlin tried to walk closer so he could help him but Arthur held up his sword and threatened to attack._

_“No! Don’t step any closer, sorcerer. How could you do this to me?”_

_Merlin took a slightly frightened step back as the King took another one forward. He begged Arthur for forgiveness but he would not listen. When the King was close enough, he took Merlin and pressed him against a tree._

_“You sicken me. How could you lie to me all those years?! You’re no friend of mine!” he whispered sadly before thrusting a sword into Merlin’s gut._

_The warlock screamed in pain and wheezed as his body fell to the floor. He tried speaking, explaining himself to the king with his last dying words. But Arthur simply turned the opposite direction and walked away from his injured manservant, not hearing any of it. For his old friend had betrayed him and had never really been the good man he thought he was._

 

* * *

 

Merlin shot up from his pillow, painting with a layer of sweat on his forehead. He tore off the covers and hugged his knees to his chest, placing his head in between them. He felt a lonesome tear trail down his cheek and down his chest. Great, if he wasn’t already a wreck, now he was crying. He sniffled quietly and dug his nails into the palm of his hand. Why couldn’t the nightmares just end?

This dream, in particular, wasn’t even that bad, it was just the thought of being trapped in that dream with Arthur looking at him like that, stabbing him painfully in the gut- gods, he couldn’t even think about it.

Merlin’s throat all of a sudden felt like it was clamming up or all the air was being sucked out of his lungs. He breathed heavily, gasping for air a few times. He tried to snap out of it but it wouldn’t work. He was being so stupid. He could breathe just fine! So why wouldn’t he just _do it?_!

 _‘Emrys? What’s wrong? I can sense your panic,’_ came that soft voice like the night before.

Merlin felt so embarrassed. Here he was having a panic attack while his future enemy asked him what was wrong. He felt like he was making a fool of himself.

 _‘I’m fine, go back to sleep,’_ he replied a little harsher than intended.

Merlin noticed his breathing was starting to regulate again like nothing had happened in the first place. Had Mordred done that somehow? He didn’t understand how that would work by just hearing his voice.

_‘I’m coming to your chambers,’ the man mumbled._

Merlin groaned and threw his hands to his head, lying back down on his bed. Why did Mordred have to care so much? It made him feel so vulnerable. Sure, it made him slightly happy that someone cared for him but it also confused him that Mordred of all people would. He didn’t understand and he didn’t even think he wanted to.

There was a light knock at the door, causing Merlin’s heart to race. It palpitated and skipped a few beats and downright felt like it was being pulled out of his chest. Merlin nervously played with his hands before sighing and getting up from the bed. Was was he so nervous? He’d spoken to Mordred at least a dozen times. Hesitantly, he stepped close the door and wrapped his fingers around the handle, pulling it open.


	4. Arms of the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred comforts Merlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I only have three chapters on here... I thought I had like six! I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever, I totally lost track of my chapters!
> 
> So here are the next few chapters to make up for it >3<

Chapter Four-Arms of the Enemy

 

        **THERE WAS A LIGHT KNOCK**  at the door, causing Merlin’s heart to race. He nervously played with his hands before sighing and getting up from bed. Why was he so nervous? He had nothing to be nervous about!

Merlin hesitantly wrapped his hand around the knob and pulled open the door, slowly and steadily until it revealed the man he’d just been talking to telepathically. Mordred smiled slightly from the other side and walked in, shutting the door behind him. He frowned at the dark circles around the older boy’s eyes and his messy raven hair, which he found to be quite cute but he wasn’t going to say anything to the older boy.

Merlin suddenly felt self conscious being in the state he was. Even more so when he saw Mordred’s eyes trail down his bare chest. He'd forgotten he wasn't wearing a shirt! He blushed lightly and took a seat back on his bed.

“You didn’t have to come," he mumbled sheepishly, "I didn't want you to come."

“Well I am so you’ll just have to deal with it,” Mordred told him matter-of-factly, “what’d you dream about?”

Merlin paused, taking a deep breath. He leaned back in his bed and covered his hands over his eyes, “Arthur killing me... And you, trying to kill Arthur..."

Why? Why in bloody hell was he talking to Mordred, of all people, about his nightmares?! Gaius hadn’t even gotten him to speak about them yet. Being with Mordred, talking to him, just thinking about him scared him so much. But there was also a sense of comfort that came with all the worry and frightfulness. He couldn’t place it but he felt so different around him. He felt like he could be himself.

To a certain extent, he could be himself. Mordred was the only other person like him that he knew of. He had a place in the castle and also had magic, exactly like Merlin. Maybe they weren’t so different… No! What was he saying?! Mordred is destined to kill his King, they’re _nothing_ alike.

“You’re panicking again, Emrys,” Mordred commented bluntly, “why did Arthur kill you in your dream?”

“He found out about my magic. No doubt the same thing would happen in real life. And my name is Merlin here, not Emrys.”

“You think your king and friend would betray you like that? He would only ban you if anything, Merlin.”

 _That’s reassuring._ He wanted to say but instead, he kept his mouth shut, staring at the ceiling above his head, “you should leave me.”

“Won't you have another nightmare?”

“No. I won’t be sleeping in the first place,” Merlin replied with a small sarcastic chuckle. His remark sounded a bit sadder than intended.

“Merlin,” he sighed, tossing him a pitiful look, “you need sleep. I’ve seen the way you’ve been acting lately. If you don’t get sleep soon, your heart could fail you or you could risk something else.”

“That’s hard to do when you have constant nightmares plaquing your sleep,” Merlin snapped, turning over on one side

“Alright, I’ll leave you be then,” Mordred sighed. He felt him get up and slowly walk to the door, pulling it open with a slight creaking noise.

“Wait, Mordred…” He felt the man stop in his tracks and turn his way before a faint ‘hmm’ filled his ears, “I- talking to you- i-it helps sometimes. Even your presence does…” He revealed as he looked down at the sheets on his bed like they were the most interesting thing.

“What are you saying?"

He hesitated, "I don't know. Could you just... stay for a little while?

He bit his tongue after he asked what he did. Stupid! That what he was! He was being completely and utterly stupid. Why would he ask that and why would Mordred ever accept it? Plus, Mordred would be his enemy one day. What in the hell was he thinking?!

To Merlin’s surprise, Mordred let out a soft chuckle and lied back in Merlin’s bed, resting his own head on the cot.

“I-I didn’t mean in my bed,” Merlin mumbled.

“Well, you’re just going to have to deal with it because I’m certainly not sleeping on the ground.”

“No, no- I mean, I wasn’t going to make you- I just hadn’t thought of- I-”

Mordred hushed him and told him to go to sleep, a smile playing on his pinkish lips. Merlin blushed and turned the other so he wasn’t facing Mordred. He thanked him and finally closed his eyes.

Merlin’s heart was practically beating out of his chest. The man who would one day kill his King was in his bed- oh, that sounded wrong… Why did his mind and body feel okay with it? He didn’t seem to care at all. If anything, he liked it. His breathing became heavy and he tried to even it out but he couldn’t seem to make it go back to normal.

“Merlin,” he felt Mordred’s breath against his neck and his own breathing hitched at the sensation, “are you alright?”

Merlin nodded his head quickly and tried to focus on anything but the way Mordred’s breath hit his neck. Suddenly, he felt something warm on his hip slowly trailing up.

Mordred felt his way up Merlin’s chest, stopping when he had reached the heart area. He kept it there, feeling the beats in the warlock’s heart, “your heart keeps beating faster and faster. I’m really not that scary, Merls,” he taunted in a deep voice, “I won’t bite…”

Merlin didn’t say anything, not even about the nickname, he just stared at the way Mordred’s hand was placed on his chest and the way his voice sounded at night when it was even deeper and huskier. He couldn’t stop his face from flushing a heavy pink colour.

“Am I still helping?” Mordred whispered. Merlin stayed silent, turning his head slightly to see Mordred staring at him with a devilish smirk. He quickly looked back when he found himself blushing, “you’re an idiot,” Mordred chuckled and wrapped his arm fully around Merlin’s bare chest. He pulled him closer so his body was touching his.

Merlin gasped at the contact of his back on Mordred’s chest. If he hadn’t felt his breathing before, he sure felt it now. His heart was practically beating out of his chest, he could hear it from where his head lied, on the other man’s shoulder.

“Mordred,” he shakily breathed out.

“Go to sleep,” he mumbled back.

Gods, Gaius would certainly kill Merlin if saw them like this- or rather Mordred since he seemed to be the one holding Merlin.

Merlin relaxed in the arms of the youngest knight as they legs began to tangle together under the sheets. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach from Mordred’s warm breath down his chest and the tingling sensation from below because his bottom was where Mordred’s… manly parts were. He also ignored the way his breathing hitched every time Mordred rubbed his hipbone or bicep with his fingers. It didn’t mean anything. It meant absolutely nothing. Right?

That night, Merlin fell asleep and received the best rest he’d gotten in years, whilst wrapped in the arms of the enemy.


	5. No One, Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin feels the aftermath

Chapter Five-No One, Nothing 

 

        **MERLIN WOKE UP TO AN EMPTY BED;** No arms wrapped around him, no legs tangled together, no breathing down his neck and no gentle touches along his chest. He began to think maybe it was it was just a dream, but everything felt too real… more real than the nightmare in which his King stabbed him to death. Speaking of dreams, had he had any bad ones? He couldn’t remember and he definitely didn’t wake up from any. Did that mean he’d slept the whole night peacefully for once? He had! He really had!

But he slept the night peacefully in the arms of a man who would one day betray him and the kingdom. How could he do it and yet not feel bad about it? Had some part of him actually enjoyed being held by Mordred? He didn’t want to admit anything.

The warlock looked out the window and then immediately jumped out of bed as quickly as he could, nearly tripping and falling over again. It was late, far too late. He should have woken the King up at least an hour ago. He was going to be so pissed and grumpy… more than normal.

He ran down to the kitchens and snagged his breakfast off the table before running back upstairs. He didn’t bother with knocking since Arthur had not yet awoken. Merlin pulled open a door and his jaw nearly dropped when he saw a fully awoken, fully clothes, clean King shovelling food into his mouth. He blushed and awkwardly tried to hide the plate of food behind him, which didn’t work in the slightest.

Arthur snagged the tray from behind his servant and shot him a glare, “and what’s this? The breakfast you were supposed to give me an hour ago?!” He yelled, shoving the plate back into Merlin’s arms, “a lovely servant who actually _knows_ how to do their job woke up and practically did all your morning chores while you were off sleeping.”

Merlin nervously scratched the back of his neck, face flushing deeply as he thought of the way Mordred had held him in his bed and his breath when it hit his skin and his fingers when they trailed along his hips. Was this really the only thing he was going to be thinking about today? God, he hoped not or otherwise his face would be stuck as red as a tomato forever.

How did it even happen in the first place? He’d gone from being annoyed and mad at the man to being spooned by him.

“Sorry, sire. It will not happen again,” he replied sheepishly, setting the extra plate of food down on the table and grabbing Arthur’s chainmail. He quickly suited him up and adjusted all of the straps and pieces.

“Merlin, you’re never late,” Arthur started, “ever. What happened to cause this?”

“No one- erm, n-nothing!” He exclaimed quickly as he placed a sword into his hands. He felt the King’s eyes on him so he lifted his head to see that he was, in fact, staring at him with a questioning look. Merlin swiftly brought his gaze back down to the floor.

Arthur scoffed and mumbled something about his servant being an idiot while they exited the room and walked downstairs to the training grounds outside. Merlin took his usual place at the wall and watched the knights from afar.

He was surprised at how much he picked up on and study their moves. It had to of been the amount of sleep he received. Had he really been that deprived before? He wanted to thank Mordred but didn’t know how to do so without it being awkward or making a fool of himself. He was already ashamed the knight practically had to rock him to sleep. But how would he thank him and what would he say? _“Hey, I just wanted to thank you for snuggling me in my bed last night because I’m too much of a baby to withstand my own damn nightmares.”_ No, that wasn’t it. Maybe he’d just wing it and hope for the best.

“Merlin!” The king’s prattish voice filled his ears. He looked up to see Arthur holding a shield and shooting him a grin. He knew what that meant, “how would you like to be our practice dummy for the morning?” He smirked and threw Merlin the shield. He caught it and sluggishly made his way into the training area.

“Don’t you have perfectly good fighting dummies right there?” He mumbled, motioning towards the straw figures with his head.

“I prefer moving targets,” he smiled before suddenly taking a swing at his servant.

Merlin was quick to block his hit with the wooden shield. He didn’t quite understand why Arthur couldn’t just fight one of his knights but he guessed it had something to do with the fact that he wanted to make Merlin’s life as difficult as possible. The king struck again and he held the shield up to block it once again. Several hits later, he seemed to be getting more forceful, therefore making Merlin work a lot harder to block the hits.

“Ease up on him, yeah?” Gwaine shot at Arthur from behind. Arthur, of course, ignored him with the roll of his eyes and continued to bash into the wooden shield.

He struck the top of the shield, which would’ve hit him if he had moved it up merely a second later. The next hit took Merlin by surprise. The sword came full force and hit the shield from the side. It felt as if a boulder had hit him. The warlock was knocked down to the ground from the force, his back clashing into a sword rack behind him. He hissed in pain and moved away from the rack pressing into his skin. Merlin put his hands to the side to pick himself up but before he could do so, a certain curly haired man took him and pulled him up.

“Are you hurt?” Mordred asked right away with worried eyes.

“He’s fine,” Arthur cut in from in front of them, wearing a slightly annoyed expression, “a simple fall never hurt anyone.”

“I was talking to Merlin,” Mordred glared at his king, clearly angry at the man for knocking over his manservant, “not the man who so stupidly knocked him over in the first place,” he snapped.

Arthur laughed at this and shook his head, “you cannot talk to me this way, Sir Mordred. I made you knight to serve and honour this kingdom, not to disrespect me.”

“How can I do so when you’re not even treating _him_ right?”

Merlin rested a hand on the knight’s shoulder, silently telling him to let it be. Mordred turned and looked at the hurt man behind him and his face instantly softened. He sent Merlin a small smile, causing his ears to redden slightly as he looked away to the ground.

After minutes of nitpicking and Mordred nearly attacking the king every time he threw an insult at his servant, Arthur finally allowed his youngest knight to take Merlin to the physician’s to make sure he hadn’t gotten seriously injured. Luckily, he didn’t and if there were just a few bruises and a small splinter wedged in his back that Gaius took care of immediately.

The physician didn’t say anything about Mordred and how he was worrying way more than he should’ve been, nor did he say anything about Merlin and how he’d blush every time the knight did so much as glance his way. He did find it odd how Mordred had gone into his ward’s room at night and didn’t return to his own chambers until early morning. But maybe the two had just been having a deep conversation and fallen asleep half-way through. That seemed… logical.

Mordred was like a mother-hen, constantly asking how Merlin felt, if he was hungry or tired, or if he needed anything. And sometimes he was more like a bear, especially when Arthur came round to ask when Merlin would be returning to his chores for the day. Before Merlin could even answer, the knight had stood up and walked close to the king, telling him he’d go back when he felt better and he could make another one of his hundreds of servants do his job for the time being. Gaius was surprised, he thought the only person who could talk to the king like that without him doing anything was Merlin. But this was _about_ Merlin.

Eventually, Mordred left, Merlin went back to his normal self and Gaius continued to silently question what the hell was going on.

“Merlin?” He asked a bit later when they sat down at the table in the middle of the room for a bowl of stew. The young man looked up from a piece of bread and raised an eyebrow, “what do you think of Mordred.”

Merlin nearly choked on his bread. After a few seconds of coughing, more choking and wheezing, he finally recollected himself, “u-um. He’s… fine?” He was more than fine. He couldn’t stop thinking about those hands on him and his breath on his neck and his deep voice and how it sounded at night, and his legs tangled with his and- “uh, I’m going to turn in early tonight. Sleep well, Gaius,” Merlin mustered out before darting away from the table and up to his room.

“But you barely touched your stew!”


	6. Charcoal Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine go on a herb trip for Gaius. Merlin finds himself at Mordred's chambers in the nighttime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is a longish chapter but I'm absolutely kaput. 
> 
> I decided to make little spacers for the text so if you see them in the story, those are the things I attempted to draw. My computer is really glitchy so it doesn't really let me do what I want to do xD
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!  
> <3
> 
> EDIT// I know the headers are wack and I shall fix them in the morning

Chapter Six-Charcoal Roses

 

        **MERLIN SLEPT SOMEWHAT PEACEFULLY** in his sleep that night. He didn’t have pleasant dreams, but they weren’t intolerable enough to be called nightmares. He didn’t wake up at all, surprisingly, and he was well rested in the morning. Gaius called him down for breakfast before he had to leave to get Arthur his. They were able to share a nice meal together and a pleasing conversation.

He found it’s been easier to talk to Gaius the past two days and anyone for that matter. Had it really been all because of Mordred? No, that was stupid! It didn’t even make any sense how a person could do all that. It must’ve been something, maybe Gaius upped his sleeping draft somehow. Yeah, that had to be it.

Merlin erased all thoughts from his mind and went down to the kitchen to grab the king his breakfast. When he made it back up the stairs to Arthur’s chambers, he pulled open the door, set the tray down and tore the curtains open. Arthur groaned and pressed his face into his pillow, “five more minutes, Merlin…” he mumbled slowly.

Merlin rolled his eyes and walked over to the side of his bed. He smiled mischievously and ripped the covers off the sleeping man. Thankfully, he was wearing trousers.

“MER-lin!” He yelled and jumped out of his bed. Merlin was smart enough to start running away by now. Arthur grabbed him by his scarf and pull him back. He took his pillow from of the bed and smacked his manservant in the head with great force, “why do I still need to remind you… that this is _not_ how a servant wakes his king!”

Merlin laughed and removed the pillow from his face. He tossed it back onto Arthur’s bed as the king took a seat at his table and began eating the food on his plate, “grab that paper from the other side of the table,” he ordered Merlin.

The raven-haired man did as he said and snatched a tan paper from off the table, “what’s this then?”

Arthur cocked a smile, “I’m glad you asked, Merlin. This is all the chores you are to have done by the end of the day. Since your pea-sized brain seems to forget half your responsibilities every day, I took it upon myself to write it down on paper in a nice, looooong list,” he smirked, popping a grape into his mouth.

“Well, actually, I have to run a herb trip for Gaius this morning. And you know how long those can take, _sire_.”

“Remind me to tell that physician to get a new apprentice,” Arthur grumbled.

“But then who would heal you next time you trip over a rock on a hunting trip and break your wrist?”

“That was _one_ time, Merlin! _One_ time!” Arthur finished his meal and Merlin helped him into his armour for training, “when do you leave for this _herb trip_?”

“Gaius wants me to find what he needs before noon so he has what he needs for the day”

“Alright, but take Sir Gwaine with you. He’s too hungover for practice this morning anyway.”

Merlin placed a hand over his heart and _awwwed,_ “does your pratiness actually care about me?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “believe it or not, I think of you as a friend,” Merlin grinned happily at the king, “don’t get your panties in a twist, Merlin. I still want to punch you most of the time.”

“I’m going to tell Gwaine.”

"Don’t you dare.”

“We can all braid each other’s hair and have sleepovers.”

“Shut up.”

 

  

Merlin snatched his satchel from his room and the list Gaius left out of all the herbs he needed. He walked outside to the stables and began to prepare his and Gwaine’s horses. When he was adjusting the saddle on one of the horses, he didn’t hear the footsteps behind him.

“Merlin!” They shouted. He jumped and turned around to see Gwaine, “you didn’t have to prepare my horse.”

Merlin turned back to the horse and continued his work, “I’m a servant.”

Gwaine rolled his eyes at the man and groaned, “you’re more than a servant, you should know that. And I’m perfectly capable of getting my own horse ready. Besides, you’re Arthur’s servant, _not_ mine.”

Merlin sighed and gave in. He handed the reins of Gwaine’s horse to him and they walked out from the stable. They hopped onto their horses and rode out of the gates of Camelot.

Merlin breathed in the air. It’d been a while since he’d been outside and he missed the familiar scent of the grass and dirt. He looked at the trees, swaying from the wind as they passed them at great speeds. The sun was still bright overhead, beating down on his skin from the cloudless sky. It looked beautiful today, like a vernal willow.

He breathed in again, this time picking up the scent of the lake. Slowly his horse down, hoping Gwaine would follow, he switched his gaze to the ground, looking for any herbs on the list.

“I think we should stop here, some of these herbs and flowers tend to grow in these areas,” Merlin looked at Gwaine from his horse and he nodded. They jumped from off their horses and walked deeper into the forest.

“What’s on the list anyway?” Gwaine asked from behind him, “I mean, I don't know any, obviously. You could honestly say anything and I’d believe you.”

Merlin let out a chuckle and held up the list, “I’m sure you know some of these. He needs sage, hyssop, rue- what the hell does he need rue for? Umm, what else, comfrey, ginger, lavender-”

“Oh, I know those two! Especially lavender, I _love_ it when women wear lavender,” Gwaine grinned. Merlin shook his head and laughed softly to himself. Gwaine was being such a… well, _Gwaine_.

Merlin spotted something purplish in a small clearing between trees. He walked away, not noticing Gwaine was still talking to him, and over to the clearing. He bent down, took a small dagger out from his satchel and clipped the plant.

“Which one is that?”

Merlin plopped a few more into his satchel and rose to his feet, brushing off the dirt on his knees, he said, “hyssop, it’s used for digestive problems.”

Gwaine made an ‘o’ shape with his lips, “I could probably use some of that…”

Merlin laughed and they carried on with the herb search- well, Merlin continued and Gwaine followed, asking a million questions per minute.

 

By the time Merlin and Gwaine made it back to the castle, there were grey clouds in the sky and it looked like it was just about ready to rain. They had gotten back right in the nick of time. They quickly put the horses away, Gwaine insisted on unsaddling his, and they ran back inside the castle just as the first drop hit.

Merlin thanked Gwaine and the older man brought him in for a hug. They broke apart and then Merlin was off to the physician’s to give Gaius the herbs and flowers. He pushed the door open and Gaius was there, preparing lunch. He smiled at the boy as he set some food out on the table.

Merlin poured the contents of his satchel onto the table. Gaius thanked him and they sat for a second time that day for a nice meal and a pleasant conversation.

 

 

 Night struck and he was tidying up Arthur’s room while Arthur was passed out in his bed. He tried to be as quiet as possible when he gathered his supper dishes and opened the door. Just as he was about the close it again, a goblet fell from the plate to the ground and made a loud crashing sound. He groaned softly and picked it up. Thank the gods Arthur was a heavy sleeper because he really wasn’t looking for something to be thrown at him tonight.

Merlin closed the door and brought the dishes back to the kitchen, the chef sending death stares at him while he did. What did he ever do to her?!

Merlin travelled back up the stairs. He had planned to go back to his chambers so he could try and sleep but his feet seemed to have a different idea. He walked to the hall where the knights were housed and paused in front of Mordred’s door.

 _What am I doing?! Why am I here?_ _I should turn back_.

Merlin tried to walk back the way he came from but his hand was reaching for the door instead. He let out a huge sigh, deciding to listen to what his body was telling him. He opened the door and walked inside. Mordred looked up right away and- curse that look he was giving him! Stop it, stop that look.

Merlin closed the door and leant against it. Trying to avoid Mordred’s gaze, he looked to the ground.

“Hey,” his voice sent chills down his spine. Merlin hesitantly looked up and noticed that Mordred was holding something on his bed, and he was propped up against the bed frame. The raven-haired boy walked across the room and leant against the pole that held the frame up.

“Hello,” he finally replied, softly, “are you drawing?” He questioned, scoping out that he was holding a bundle of papers and had a piece of charcoal between his fingers. It looked like he was sketching out a horse, one of Camelot’s, probably his horse, Echo. How did he remember his horse’s name? He didn’t know.

“I am. I’m not very good but either way, I enjoy it.”

Merlin took a seat on his bed and grabbed the book from his hands before Mordred could say anything more. He stared at the picture of Echo in amazement. It was beautiful. Who knew the hands that gripped a weapon that could cause so much pain, could also hold a piece of charcoal that created such beauty. He flipped to the front of the book and Mordred watched him with a smile on his face, watching as his lips twitched when he saw a new drawing and how his fingers caressed the pages so delicately.

Merlin looked one drawing in particular that almost brought tears to his eyes. It was of all the knights and Arthur. They held their swords at their hips and they were all laughing with huge grins on their faces. The drawing was so large that it took up two whole pages.

He flipped again and there was a rose with a few detached petals drawn mid-fall. Stuck onto the paper was a real petal, dried and printed onto the surface. His fingers immediately touched it and grazed onto the other half of the book, where there was another flower, only this one didn’t have any real petals, “they’re so beautiful,” he mumbled so quietly it was like a whisper lost in the wind.

Mordred didn’t look at the drawings, instead he kept his gaze on Merlin, “they are beautiful,” he smiled softly to himself.

Merlin turned the page again but he paused at what he saw sketched into the thin tanned paper. It was him. It was _him!_

There he was. It was _his_ face, _his_ hair, _his_ body. The drawing of Merlin was blushing, looking down. His hand was rested on the door in his room, making his collarbones stick out in a way he thought looked ugly. In the drawing, he was _shirtless._ No shirt, no scarf. Just him. Him and his trousers of course. That’s when it hit him. This was a drawing of him from a couple nights ago when Mordred came to his chambers because he’d woken him with his panic. But how Mordred managed to capture his exact expression and emotion, he didn’t know…

Merlin couldn’t do it! There was a picture of him, shirtless, in Mordred’s book! _Mordred’s_ book. The man that would kill Arthur one day, the man that would betray his king! Betray Camelot! Betray _him!_

Merlin shoved the book back into Mordred’s hands and shot up from the bed.

“Merlin-” Mordred started.

“No, I- I can’t,” Merlin sounded hurt. He wanted to run away but he stayed where he was by Mordred’s bed, turning, facing away from him. He swallowed, thinking about that drawing in his book.

“Come here,” Mordred told him.

“Mordred-

“Come. Here,” he snapped, but it sounded welcoming, not cold.

Merlin sighed and stayed looking at the door for a moment. Eventually, he turned back to Mordred’s bed.

“Lie down,” Mordred almost ordered. Merlin looked at him for the first time and saw how serious he was. Merlin obeyed, hesitantly and lied down. Farthest away from Mordred as possible, he kept his gaze on the door and only door.

Merlin didn’t hear anything from Mordred and he thought maybe all he wanted him to do was lie down. But then, like two nights ago, he felt something on his hip.

Merlin shivered as Mordred’s hand travelled from his hip to his waist where his arm held him there. He felt Mordred scoot closer and press his stomach to his back. The knight’s breath prickled his neck and made a halt in his breathing.

He was blushing badly and to make matters worse, Mordred fingers were playing with the end of his tunic. They found their way underneath to his stomach, where his thumb began caressing again.

He had always been self conscious of his body, of his stomach. He was too thin, too awkward. And he thought that Mordred’s fingers there would make him panic, but he liked it. He liked the soft touches and warmth from his hand. He liked the butterflies it caused him in his belly and heat almost radiating off his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

Mordred slipped his hand out and moved his body away from his. Merlin internally frowned, missing the warmth and the sensations. He felt Mordred move across the bed and a moment later his boots were slipped off his feet and thrown to the floor. Did this mean he was staying? It certainly meant Mordred wanted him to stay.

The raven-haired man blushed heavily, “thanks,” he mumbled quietly.

Mordred brought him into his arms again and Merlin relaxed in his warmth. His hand slip back under his tunic and he began to caress his stomach again.

Merlin sighed happily and calmly and slipped his leg in between Mordred’s so they would intertwine. Then he closed his eyes and fell into a deep, blissful sleep.


	7. Rhythm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wakes up and he realizes he made a mistake.

Chapter Seven-Rhythm

 

**“HEY, GOOD MORNING,”** Mordred whispered into his ear the next morning, his arms still tightly around Merlin’s waist, “how’d you sleep?”

Merlin swallowed and looked at the edge of the pillow on the bed. A frown made its way to his lips and stayed there like the plague, “fine,” he mumbled.

Mordred instantly matched his frown, “what’s the matter?”

Merlin stared at the knight’s hands that were clasped together at his mid-stomach, “this,” he snapped, pulling out of his grasp. He got up from the bed. He searched the room for his boots and finally, finding them under the bed, he slipped them onto his naked feet.

“What? Merlin, hold on a second,” the servant stood up and began walking to the door, away from him, “what’s wrong.”

“I told you! This!” Merlin yelled when turned to face Mordred, “stay away from me. And don’t talk to me again unless you have to,” he picked up his jacket and left the room without another word from Mordred.

He quickly walked down to the kitchens and snatched Arthur’s meal up, making his way to his chambers. Merlin barged through the door and slammed the plate on the table a louder than he intended. He went over to the side of Arthur’s bed and whipped the covers off of him, “get up, sire,” he announced.

The King yawned and slowly opened his to see an angry manservant before him. He quirked an eyebrow as he left to get clothes from the cupboard. He snatched something random out of it and walked back to Arthur, shoving them into his chest.

“What the hell is up with you?” Arthur snapped, moving over to his table for a nice breakfast before he got dressed.

“Nothing,” Merlin shot back as he prepared his armour for morning training, “and get dressed already so I can get on with my day.”

Arthur’s eyes widened in shock. Merlin almost never talked to him this way, why was he now?

“Merlin, might I remind you-you're my servant and I’m your king. You cannot talk to me that way. Now, explain yourself.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and set the armour on the table, it rattled loudly as he walked past it out of the room, “get dressed yourself, then,” he seethed and slammed the dorm on the king’s face.

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Merlin fell into a rhythm gain and Gaius was worried. His apprentice was going back to his old ways, not sleeping, hardly eating, never connecting with anyone. He tried to get him to sit down and have breakfast with him each morning, but nearly every time he said he wasn’t hungry or that the king needed to be awaken.

Merlin was taking his sleeping draft every night but he still heard him wake up, panting and sometimes screaming. But most often, Merlin would just lie awake in bed until the sun came up, not even bothering to sleep because, according to the boy himself, “it’s not worth it, Gaius. I’m just going to keep getting nightmares every time I close my eyes. So I’ll just have to keep them open.”

The physician didn’t know what do. Merlin was enclosing himself in a bubble, staying away from everybody, even his  _ friends.  _ When he wasn’t performing his duties for both the king and Gaius, he was up in his room, either lying there completely still and thinking or learning spells from his book.

He wished in his heart his boy would be alright.

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

_ ‘Merlin.’ _

_ ‘Meeerliiin.’ _

_ ‘Merlin!’ _

_ ‘Stop it, Mordred.’ _

‘ _ Talk to me. Tell me what I did wrong.’ _

_ ‘It’s not you.’ _

_ ‘Then what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me? It’s not fair to me.’ _

_ ‘I can’t.’ _

_ ‘Meeerls.’ _

_ ‘Please, just stop! Stop talking to me! Stop looking at me!’ _

_ ‘You’re being an idiot. It’s been a week and you still won’t allow me to talk to you.” _

_ ‘Just leave me alone, Mordred. Please.’ _

_ ‘...’ _

_ ‘Very well. _

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

_ He was running as fast as he could through the forest. It was dark, gloomy, and the trees seemed to be glaring at him, sending him hate through their dark eyes. Merlin fell on of the roots but picked himself back up again. Now his knee hurt and he was limping while he ran. He wanted to stop, give it, just allow him to take him, but he kept running. _

_ “Don’t run away from me,” the voice called, sending shivers down his spine, “you know you can’t escape. I’ve got knights covering every corner of this forest, warlock!” _

_ Merlin fell to the ground, exhausted. He’d been running so far for so long. He glanced up at the man, panting and tears streaming down his dirty, pale face, “j-just do it. Just kill me, Arthur.” _

_ The king smirked, getting closer to his servant as his smirks grew. His fingers wrapped along the boy’s scarf and he pulled him up to his feet, “you!” He screamed in his face at the top of his lungs, “you betrayed me!” _

_ “I- I did it for you, Arth- _

_ “Silence!” He seethed, pulling the sword from the loop on his chainmail. _

_ “Please…” Merlin begged, cowering behind his arms. _

_ “No, Merlin, you’ve fooled me one too many times. It time for you to die… warlock!” Arthur rose his sword, causing Merlin to flinch. The king drove the sword in his old servant’s direction but before he could plunge it into his chest, the warlock was pulled out of his grasp by an unknown figure. _

_ Arthur squinted through the darkness and his eyes fell on one of his knights, “Mordred,” he growled, readying his sword to attack again. _

_ Merlin clung to the knight’s side, shaking in fear. _

_ “You’ll leave him alone if you know what’s good for you,” Mordred said calmly in a serious and bold voice as he began to walk backwards, away from the king with the warlock in his arms. _

_ “You’re making a mistake, young knight. You’re helping a sorcerer!” _

_ “I’m saving an innocent man from you!” _

_ Mordred took Merlin’s hand and led them away, deeper into the forest. Once they were far enough away, he cupped Merlin’s cheek with his hand and looked him in the eye, “you’re safe, Merlin. You’re safe with me.” _

_ He brushed his thumb softly over the other man’s cheekbones and caressed along his neck, slowly calming him down. Merlin shivered as he brought his face closer to his neck. He felt his lips graze just above his collarbone. They were soft and delicate resting against his skin and they gave him goosebumps along his arms. _

_ Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his neck. He winced as he felt something sharp pierce through his skin. It felt like his life was being sucked out of him. _

_ Merlin watched as the knight pulled away, to reveal sharp, white fangs where his normal teeth should’ve been. His blue eyes were no longer blue, instead, the irises were a void of pure black. Merlin shook in fright and tried to escape from the vampire’s grasp. _

_ Mordred laughed evilly and grabbed his shoulders, shoving him against a tree. He took Merlin’s wrists and pressed them together above his head, “don’t silence your screams. I love hearing them as I suck the life out of their bodies.” _

_ Merlin whimpered when he felt the fangs pierce through the vein in skin again, “I-I thought,” he grunted in pain when he hit a nerve, “I thought you were d-different,” _

_ Mordred just smirked against his skin and continued to draw blood, draining the warlock’s life source. _

_ “I thought you were different, Mordred…” _

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Merlin woke up, not screaming or panting, but crying, tears streaming from his eyes onto the pillow. His fingers went up to his neck, tracing the spot where dream Mordred had punctured his skin. Merlin wrapped his arms around himself and cried into his pillow. Why did he feel this way? What  _ was  _ he feeling?

He was sad, but there was something else… he felt helpless, vulnerable, defenceless.

He sat up from the bed, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. He went over to a small table near his bed and lit the candle using his magic. Then he pulled out the chair and took a seat. He stared directly into the heat of the flickering flame.

In Merlin’s dream, Arthur had been the one he couldn’t trust. He was trying to hurt him and Mordred was the one who came to his rescue. It shouldn’t have been that way, what with Mordred’s fate and all, but it was. And it had Merlin believing too, thinking that Mordred could be good. Even if it was a dream, it resonated with his feelings about him now. He feels like he can trust him when they’re talking when he’s in his arms. But just like in his dream, when Mordred stabbed him in the back, he would eventually stab Arthur in his back too, in real life, and not figuratively.

He wanted to trust him, damn it! He wanted Mordred to hold him, brush his fingers against him, but he just couldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t let his dream turn into real life.


	8. Hunting Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Stay 'til the end for an extra short story created by using Masterpiece Generator. It's pretty great.

Chapter Eight-Hunting Trip

 

**ARTHUR HAD PLANNED YET ANOTHER** hunting trip. He was beginning to think the king could somehow tell when he had no desire to do these things, and then he’d suggest they do it once he knew. Merlin wanted nothing more than to stay in Camelot, preferably his room away from certain knights.

He sighed loudly and stuffed the horses’ saddles with food and other supplies. He grabbed the horses each by their reigns and walked them to the front of the castle where the knights and the king were waiting.

“Took you long enough, Merlin,” Arthur mumbled once he reached them. He rolled his eyes and haded Arthur’s reins to him.

“Prat,” he muttered quietly, earning a few chuckles from the knights. He smirked and hopped up onto his horse. He looked behind him to see that Mordred had just done the same and was petting his horse across the mane. Echo neighed softly and shook her head. Mordred looked up from his horse and met his eyes. He immediately pulled them away and forced them onto his own horse.

_ ‘You can’t tell me to stop talking to you and then keep look at me,’  _ Mordred chuckled in his head.

Merlin did his best to ignore his comment and focus on the trip. They took off on their horses not a moment later out of the gates and into the forest. They ventured far into the woods since most of the animals had learned not to come that close to the castle. He stayed at Arthur’s side like he normally did, but made sure he was at a good enough distance from Mordred. And he made sure not to look back again after that comment he made.

“Princess, I think I see something moving up ahead,” Gwaine shouted and pointed to the trees in the distance.

“Next time maybe don’t shout. We are trying to actually catch something today, Sir Gwaine,” the king shook his head and slowed the horse down. He squinted at the trees, then took his crossbow out and held it so it was pointing at a blob between two trunks, “Gwaine, you want this one? I think it’s a deer.”

“Sure,” the knight mumbled and took his own crossbow out. Before he could take a shot, Merlin sent some of his magic towards the deer.  _ Run, my girl. _ Just as Gwaine shot the arrow, the deer sprinted out of the way and the tip of the arrow hit the tree. Merlin smiled in accomplishment, “damn it!” Gwaine groaned and lowered his bow.

They picked up their speed again and travelled deeper into the forest. Merlin had to send his magic towards a few more animals but sadly, a stupid little bunny didn’t take the hint and Leon had killed it for dinner.

The sky started to turn dark and anxiety was creeping up on the warlock. He didn’t want to have to sleep with all his problems in a forest surrounded by all the knights. But damn, he was tired. When was the last time he’d slept? Two days ago, he thinks.

Arthur had managed to catch another two rabbits and declared that that would be the last hunt for the night. They stopped at a small clearing and jumped off their horses. It was dark and everyone was starving.

“Tie the horses up, start a fire and then get started on dinner, Merlin,” Arthur ordered him and then left to go sit with the rest of the group. He rolled his eyes and began to tie up everyone’s horses, except Gwaine’s and Mordred’s who had both always insisted to tie their own.

When Merlin began unloading the things they needed from the horses, a dizziness washed over him. He hadn’t slept in the last twenty-four hours and it had now decided to take a toll on him right then. He grabbed all of the sleeping rolls and spread them all out on the ground.

“Merlin, just go get firewood already so you can start dinner. We’re all starving.”

He nodded tiredly and walked away from the clearing. He picked up a few dry sticks and twigs until he had a decent armful and brought them back to start a fire. There were too many people around him to start it making magic so he the flint and small steel rod and tried to start it by hand but the only thing he managed to make was a small spark.

“Here,” he heard a voice beside him and a moment later hands were placed over his. He looked up to see Mordred, of course, it was him. The knight took the flint from his hands and clashed the steel against it. In seconds, a flame was produced in the bundle of twigs and the fire was made.

“Thanks,” he mumbled and took the flint back from his hands, stuffing it back into its pouch,  _ ‘I didn’t need help,’  _ he shot to him in his head.

He saw Mordred roll his eyes when he got up from the ground to walk back to the knights.

Merlin got started on dinner, boiling the water on a pot over the fire and throwing some things in it. By the time the soup was finished, it was fully dark and stars were littering the sky. He took the bowls and served each one of the knights up. There wasn’t enough left for him but he didn’t want any either way. The fire had made him woozy and he was already tired. Eating would just upset his stomach more.

Merlin took a seat a little farther away from everybody and pressed his back against the tree. He wrapped his arms around his knees and stared off into the forest.

“Are you not eating, Merlin?” Gwaine exclaimed with a mouthful of food.

Merlin sent him a small smile and shook his head, “it’s alright. My head is just bothering me so I’d just rather not eat,” hell, his whole body was bothering him.

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Mordred was sleeping when Leon tapped him on the shoulder to wake him up. He moaned softly and rubbed his eyes, “mmf, what is it?”

“It’s your turn to be on watch,” Leon whispered so he wouldn’t wake anyone up.

Mordred nodded got up from his sleeping roll. He grabbed his sword from beside it and looped it through his belt. Then he picked up his roll and brought it over with him to a tree so he’d stay warm during the watch. Leon climbed into his own blanket and Mordred was left alone, other than a hooting owl from a few trees away.

He looked around the forest, not being able to see anything, really. The fire was still going so it was enough to see the camp, but anything beyond was completely pitch black. He swore at himself for not bringing his book and charcoal. Now he would be bored for the next hour or so.

His gaze drifted a certain warlock and a familiar smile made its way to his face. Merlin’s raven-coloured hair was messed up and covering both eyes. His scarf was beside him to prevent him from straggling himself in the middle of the night, and his boots had been kicked off towards the bottom of his roll. Merlin sighed in his sleep turned the other way. Now Mordred couldn’t see his face and wouldn’t have anything to distract him from the boring night.

Mordred’s mind drifted off to a week ago when Merlin came to his room and fell asleep in his arms. The next morning his mood had totally changed. He was mad, angry and… scared, maybe? He’d told him to never speak to him again. All he wanted to know was what he did to make him so angry with him! He was being a child, and honestly, it was getting on his nerves. If Merlin could just use his words so he could fix whatever he did wrong, that’d be great!

A sudden whimper brought Mordred straight out of his thoughts. He looked down at the mob of raven hair, the sound seemed to be coming from him. Merlin began tossing and turning in his sleep, “stay back!” He cried, but it was quiet enough that only Mordred heard it, “please, Arthur, don’t,” a sob escaped Merlin’s mouth and the knight’s heart immediately broke.

He shot up from his spot at the tree and hurried over to Merlin. He took his hand and shook him awake. Merlin’s eyes popped open and he let out another soft whimper. He was shaking and panting. Mordred just wanted to pick him up and take him somewhere he wouldn’t have any nightmares.

“Sorry,” Merlin apologized in a guilty whisper. He brought his hands to his forehead and sighed, “just go back to sleep, I’m fine.”

Mordred shook his head, “I’m on watch, I was already awake,” he replied softly and reached a hand to touch the warlock’s shoulder. He rested it there for a moment before Merlin moved away and shot up from the bedroll.

“I’m going to go take a walk to keep myself from falling back to sleep,” he muttered, quickly pulling his boots onto his feet. He began to walk away from the camp but Mordred slipped his hand in his before he could leave.

“Stay here with me.”

“No,” Merlin snapped and tore his hand away from Mordred. He angrily marched away but Mordred grabbed him by the waist before he could go anyway, “stop!” 

“Merlin, calm down,” Mordred spoke softly, cradling him in his arms.

Merlin thrashed in his arms, trying to break free, “let me go!”

Mordred shushed him and pulled him closer, “the others are sleeping,” he whispered against the other man’s temple.

“Fuck off,” Merlin whimpered, finally quietly down and allowing the knight to hold him.

Mordred pulled him back to the tree he had been sitting at and took a seat. He tried to pull the older boy down but he wouldn’t let him, “Merls, sit down,” he ordered sternly.

Merlin sighed and obeyed, sitting down beside him on the ground. Mordred made him rest his head on his shoulder and so he did. His breathing finally calmed down and soon he became totally relaxed. He pressed his face into Mordred’s neck and let out a sigh before his eyelids slowly closed and all he could see was the darkness of a good night’s rest.

 

 

 **E X T R A** _(this is just a_ lil _story that was formed using a generator off some website)_

Whilst investigating the death of a local servant, a Determined knight called Merlin E uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, sharp sword circulating throughout Camelot. As soon as anyone uses the sword, he or she has exactly 26 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look distorted. A marked person feels like a Dangerous Horse to touch.

Merlin gets hold of the sword, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: a Dark Frog balancing on an Evil servant, an old newspaper headline about a sword accident, a hooded Phoenix ranting about Hair and a drinking well located in a magical place.

When Merlin notices his Lips have Horse-like properties, he realises that the curse of the sharp sword is true and calls in his boyfriend, a king called Mordred M, to help.

Mordred examines the sword and willingly submits himself to the curse. He finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. He finds the Dark Frog balancing on an Evil servant particularly chilling. He joins the queue for a supernatural death.

Merlin and Mordred pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded Phoenix. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 1000 views and all the lovely comments. Hot damn.


	9. The Bitter Taste of Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Merlin starts to "forgive" Mordred, a new problem finds its way to Camelot.

Chapter Nine-The Bitter Taste of Jealousy 

 

        **MERLIN WAS ALLOWING** Mordred to speak to him now. Whatever had been going through his head had vanished, or at least diminished. The rest of the week after the hunting trip had been a lot better than the previous week. Merlin was letting him in again they were starting to form a connection of sorts.

The night after they’d come back from the trip, Merlin found himself outside Mordred’s door. He didn’t care anymore, he had to let go of his fears. He opened the door and barged inside without. Mordred looked up from the book he was reading, surprised to see him there, “Merlin? What are you doin-”

Mordred barely had time to finish his sentence when Merlin climbed onto his bed and slipped himself under the covers. He turned his back to him, expecting him to wrap his arms around his waist like he had been doing. Mordred chuckled softly and did as Merlin was silently alluding to. He pulled him close so they touching and rested his own head on his hand supported by his arm. He watched as Merlin began to doze off into a dreamless sleep and smiled to himself at how peaceful he looked in his arms.

The next day Mordred showed up to Merlin’s door and knocked softly. A moment later a sleepy, shirtless Merlin opened the door. Mordred smiled and slipped his hand in Merlin’s. He dragged him to the warlock’s bed and pulled him to his side. But Merlin slowly removed Mordred’s arms from around his waist. He thought he’d done something wrong but then Merlin turned to face him instead and pressed his body closer to his. The raven-haired man clung to his neck and pressed his face into his chest. His knee then swooped up and went over Mordred’s hip. The knight smiled at this and wrapped his arms securely around his waist. The way Merlin’s breathing hit his neck made him get chills down his spine. He could tell from looking at the warlock that his cheeks and the tips of his ears were flushed.

And the rest of the week was spent just like that.

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Arthur sent knights in all directions, ordering them to look anywhere the sorceress could’ve gone. He sent nearly all the knights in Camelot after her and he wouldn’t stop sending more until she was found and imprisoned. Merlin was following him as he tore through rooms in the castle, trying to calm him down. Arthur wasn’t normally an eccentric person like his father had been. But this was one of the few times he felt so strongly about capturing someone. His father had always dealt with those in treason of sorcery. And since his death, Arthur hadn’t yet faced someone who'd broken those rules of magic. He was not prepared, nor did he know how to deal with something like this. All the other times he had magic encounters, he was in the forest with his fellow knights, secluded from the court and the laws.

Merlin raced down the halls to catch up with the anxious king. He caught him in the middle of a heated conversation with one of the servants, “what do you mean she passed through here?! You didn’t try and stop her?!” He shouted angrily.

“I-I’m sorry, Sire,” the man stuttered hopelessly, “I’m only a servant-”

“She was a scared woman running for her life. You could’ve easily stopped her in her state!”

“She has magic,” the servant retorted with a small frown. He took a small step back away from the annoyed king.

“Arthur, leave him alone,” Merlin stepped in, resting a hand on his shoulder, “he’s right, she has magic and there was nothing he could’ve done,” he tried to explain.

Arthur ripped his shoulder away from Merlin’s hand and scoffed, “Merlin, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell me what to do. Might I remind you you’re nothing but a servant,” he snapped.

An expression of shock and sadness flashed across Merlin’s face. He looked down and took a step away, “you’re right. My apologies, sire.”

“Just help me find this sorceress,” Arthur muttered and led them away from the other servant.

Arthur checked a few more rooms before taking a turn and heading down the stairs to the dungeons. They looked in the cells for the woman, but all were empty except for a man who’d stolen from one of the knights a couple days ago. Merlin looked away with guilt and ran after Arthur. They marched down the tunnels, looking in cavities in stone and anywhere the woman could’ve gone. Merlin turned the opposite direction to the left when Arthur explained to him they should split up.

He peered down the hall and squinted, swearing he could make out some kind of shadow. He walked closer and closer until he made out a figure of a woman. He wanted to reach out to her and help her but he knew he couldn’t without Arthur arresting him too. When the woman noticed him walking towards her, she gasped quietly and muttered something under her breath. The wall above him began crumbling and small pebbles fell to the ground. Just as he was about to cast his own spell, he was pushed forward and crashed to the ground. Merlin looked up to see Arthur, who was climbing off of him. He ran to the woman and placed shackles on his knobby, withered wrists. She was an old woman, way too old to be placed in a cell and sentenced to death.

Merlin stood up with a frown on his face, which disappeared when Arthur turned to look at him, “good job, Merlin. You’re lucky I was here to save you again,” he shot rudely at the younger man.

He stayed silent and looked at the old woman with guilty eyes. He moved his gaze to the ground in shame and hesitantly followed Arthur.

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Percival, Mordred, Gwaine and Leon were travelling through the forest by horse. They were sent out by the king to find some sorceress who’d broken the law. They stopped a little ways from the castle to search the ground by foot. Leon, the best tracker out of the bunch hadn’t found any trace of the woman they were looking for. The only footprints he could find were those of knights and horses. Everything else was natural and nothing had been disturbed in some sort of struggle. They walked through the dark forest with a single torch, lighting the path for at least a couple of meters in front of them. They halted when they heard some rustling near some bushes.

“Who goes there?” Leon shouted. They all waited for a response but when they received none, Percival took the lead and stepped closer to where the sound was coming from. He peered through the darkness to see a moving bush. Could it just be a rabbit or another small animal? But an animal would have already fled from the noise they were making. Percival took a few steps closer to the shrub and leapt at it with his sword.

There was a scream and a woman jumped out from the bush. Percival instantly retrieved his sword and nodded apologetically, “I’m so sorry, my lady,” he cried, asking for forgiveness.

Mordred was in too much of a shock to say anything. He couldn’t believe who he was seeing. He couldn’t grasp that it was her! The last time he’d actually talked to her was back at the druid camps. Were his eyes playing tricks on him or was she actually here?

“Kara,” he gasped and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around her.

“Mordred,” she whispered into his neck, clinging onto him like she hadn’t seen him in years.

Mordred hugged her tighter and for a long time before pulling away. Kara did the same and looked into his eyes with a small blush on her face. The curly haired man sent her smile.

“So, you’ve got a girlfriend and didn’t think to tell us?” Gwaine said behind him with a smirk on his face. Mordred turned around and shot him a look just as the older knight winked.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Gwaine,” Mordred laughed, “simply an old friend,” he turned back to face Kara and sent her another small smile.

Her lips had turned down into a frown at his words but rose into a thin smile when he looked at her again.

“Right, right,” Gwaine rolled his eyes in a way only Gwaine could, “whatever you say.”

“Sir,” a man spoke from behind them all on a horse. He wore a red cape and it was obvious he was one of Camelot’s knights, “the king has alerted me to inform you he called off the search. The sorceress has been found in the lower tunnels.”

Mordred’s heart sank a little and his stomach felt tight. That poor woman had done nothing wrong, he knew it. It was just the king’s stupid laws that prevented her to be free. This was one of the things Mordred and Kara had always disagreed on.

Mordred believed that when Arthur became king, magic wouldn’t be seen as something harmful and evil. He had helped Mordred was he was just a boy all those years ago. He knew it his heart Arthur couldn’t betray his people. But Kara viewed it all so differently. She thought that Arthur was exactly like his father. He believed _nothing_ would change when he’s king.

Mordred was starting to rethink his belief in Arthur. He wasn’t like his father but he certainly wouldn’t lift the ban on magic any time soon. But, still, he refused to take Kara’s side completely.

The knights, plus Kara, left shortly after the knight had informed them the search was off. They rode back into the walls past nightfall. The stableboy took their horses and Arthur came to meet them at the stairs.

“Sire,” Leon, his eldest knight bowed, “the sorceress has been found?”

“Yes, she’s in the dungeons as we speak,” Arthur suddenly turned to Mordred and looked to his left at Kara, who was hiding slightly behind him, “who’s your friend, Sir Mordred?”

Mordred nodded respectfully, “this is Kara, an old friend. We found her out in the woods and I was hoping she could stay with me for the time being, if it’s not too much to ask.”

“Of course. Although, I must inform you that we have no empty rooms. She would have to stay with you until another clears up.”

“Yes, that’s alright, Sire. Thank you.”

The knights were dismissed and Mordred headed to his chambers with Kara following suit. As they walked through the halls, Kara felt amazed at the level of social class he and the other knights lived in. She was jealous at how privileged this part-time druid, part-time knight was. She felt bitter.

Mordred showed Kara to his chambers. It was the last room at the end of the hall where all the other unmarried knights lived. When she walked in, she was astonished. It was so huge for just one man! The bed looked like something from a story she heard growing up. There were dozens of candles for lighting around the room and two large windows in the back of the room.

“What in the world do you need all this space for?” Kara gasped, allowing herself to fall back in her old friend’s bed.

“I don’t know. It’s a normal size for a room in the castle. It’s nice but not necessary,” he replied, taking a seat next to Kara. He looked out the window and noticed that it had begun to rain. It didn’t rain much but made him happy when it did. He liked hearing the sound of falling droplets of water when they hit the ground and the roof.

He had been zoning out for a while and didn’t really notice that Kara had begun talking again. Suddenly, he felt something in his mind- and maybe his heart. He completely blocked Kara out, paying all his attention to the feeling. It was Merlin, he could tell. The warlock was in distress. He immediately reached out to comfort him.

 _‘Merlin, what’s the matter?’_ He called for him in his head. A moment later he felt the mental presence of a sad Merlin.

 _‘I’m fine, Mordred,’_ he replied, _‘I just feel bad because that woman with magic was caught. I was right there when Arthur placed the shackles on her poor wrists. Gods, the looks she gave me- i-it-’_

_‘You couldn’t have done anything. If you had, Arthur would most likely ban you from Camelot and you wouldn’t fulfil your destiny.’_

Mordred felt a tinge of happiness and comfort in the warlock.

_‘I suppose you’re right. But I can’t just sit here while she’s down there, wrists tied, barely being fed…’_

Mordred rose an eyebrow, ignoring how weird it must’ve looked to anyone who wasn’t them, ' _what are you suggesting?’_

 _‘Come here,’_ Merlin said bluntly. Mordred could feel the slight timidness in his words.

_‘What? Now? Why?’_

There was a long pause. So long Mordred was beginning to think he’d forgotten about their conversation.

 _‘Because I want to explain to you my thinking. And it will be easier in person… that’s all,’_ Merlin replied with a slight angst.

 _‘Are you sure it has nothing to do with me holding you,’_ Mordred fought the urge to actually physically smirk.

He could just imagine how deep red Merlin’s cheeks were right then. He was probably biting his lip to hold back a smile and fiddling with the ends of his sleeves nervously.

 _‘Just come here, you idiot’_ he snapped impatiently.

Mordred was taken out of his thoughts when a hand came into his view and collided with his forehead. Kara had flicked him on the head! “you really haven’t been listening this whole time… I can’t believe you,” she shook her head.

“Sorry,” he admitted, half attentive, his gaze was on the door, “I have to go. We’ll talk later,” he added quickly before standing up and heading to the door. He realized his chainmail was still on so he quickly took it off so he was in a simple white tunic and black trousers. Then he walked back out the door to the physician’s chambers.

He pulled open the door, surprised to see that Gaius was not there. Whenever he came when the physician _was_ there, he would send Mordred a questioning look and awkward stare. Mordred would make small talk before darting up the stairs to _“study magic”_ with Merlin. _(studying magic my arse ~author)_

It was a relief to him that the physician wasn’t there. This meant no exhausting awkwardness or random empty pauses. Mordred walked up the few steps to Merlin’s room and opened the door.

The warlock was sitting on his bed, cross-legged with a book of spells on his lap. Mordred smiled when Merlin looked up and took a seat behind him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer, resting his chin in the crook of Merlin’s neck.

“You’re not very good at hiding that book, you know. What I had been Arthur walking in? Or Leon?” Mordred asked, his breath hitting Merlin’s neck, sending chills down his body.

Merlin sputtered his words, “I don’t- I don’t think Arthur or Leon would be holding me like this,” he replied as he adjusted himself closer to Mordred.

“They better not,” Mordred muttered defensively

Merlin bit his lip nervously as a redness attacked the tips of his ears, “umm, so… I have a plan to help that woman escape.”

“Are you crazy?!” Mordred shouted and hushed by the warlock.

“Maybe a little,” he admitted whilst flipping the page he was on over, “so, there’s this spell and it doesn’t look too difficult. Basically, I can put this on a small group of people and trick them into seeing me as someone else. In this case, as Arthur,” Merlin paused, flipping the sheet back over to show Mordred. He held it up and the Knights grabbed it and brought it over for a closer look.

“And you think this will work?”

“I’m not sure but it’s worth a try. Plus, it will be fun. Maybe I can embarrass Arthur a bit,” Merlin grinned, taking the book back from the knight, “are you staying here tonight?” He changed the subject and pulled away from Mordred so he could slip his spell book back in its hiding place.

Mordred paused and let out a sigh, “well, that’s the thing, I can’t tonight. An unexpected friend showed up and she’s staying in my room. It would be slightly weird if I just left her there and I already know she feels bad for 'taking my space _'_ ,” he explained, “will you be alright?”

Merlin didn’t expect that. Of course, he didn’t think Mordred would spend every night with him. He wasn’t delusional. It was just that every day for a week, they’d been following the same pattern. Mordred would come round to his room after they both finished their duties and they sleep together… actually _sleep_ together.

Oh, man, Merlin sounded like such a girl right now.

“I completely understand, Mordred. You don’t have to explain yourself. But I am curious, who’s your friend?”

“Her name is Kara. We’re childhood friends. We found her out in the woods during our search for the sorceress. I don’t know what she was doing out there but I’m glad we found her before someone else did.”

_Kara._

_Kar-a._

_Ka-ra_

He didn’t really like the sound of her name. He also couldn’t help but wonder if they were going to share the same bed.

“Are you alright?” Mordred asked, touching his shoulder in concern. Merlin brushed it off and nodded, “well, goodnight, then. Tell me if you have another nightmare, yeah?”

Merlin rolled his eyes at how concerned he was but nodded once again. Mordred outstretched his arms and the warlock fell into them, pressing his face into knight’s neck. He breathed in his scent and they stayed there for a while before pulling away. Merlin wanted it to last for longer but Mordred climbed off his bed and opened the door, disappearing into the darkness of an unlit room.


	10. Dodging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Me after like two months hahahahha... heh.
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter Ten-Dodging

 

 **GAIUS WAS ALWAYS WORRYING** about Merlin. But lately, he seemed to be a little less worried. Maybe things were turning around the young warlock. The physician picked up on a lot of things about his ward throughout the time he’d known him. He noticed when Merlin was sad, when he was happy, angry, feeling hopeless and lost. This meant he also noticed when Merlin began to feel more depressed. He knew when the boy began sleeping less and eating less and how he was overworked and you could see nights without rest on display under his eyes. Gaius also observed how he was slowly becoming happier the past week. He’d also been seeing a lot more of Mordred, specifically Mordred heading to Merlin’s room to study magic. The warlock looked well-rested every day and managed to eat a couple of proper meals each day.

On top of all that, Gaius picked up on a few things that concerned him. Mordred and Merlin were spending the majority of their free time together. It wasn’t that it was a bad thing, but there was a prophecy that Mordred would one day kill the king. He didn’t believe at all in his heart that Mordred could do such a thing. But the prophecies aren’t clear and maybe they missed something. Merlin would be so hurt if it came true and Gaius didn’t want to see this. Of course, Mordred was a good kid and wasn’t going to kill the king. Still, it was a worry Gaius had, even if it was incredibly unrealistic.

The previous night, Mordred hadn’t studied magic with him. He expected Merlin to be fine, after all, it was just some simple studying, but he seemed quiet and sad. He hadn’t even eaten dinner that night, even after Gaius pestered him to do so. He worried that maybe his streak of happiness was just a phase and he would go back to being depressed again. But then he made the realization that he was only sad _because_ Mordred hadn’t come to study with him. And when Gaius asked him about it, he dodged the question completely. This wasn’t unusual; Merlin did a lot of dodging.

Gaius set a potion he was working on down on the table. He took a piece of cloth and draped it over the top before tying a string around the rim. A hangover remedy for one of the previously drunk knights, Gwaine, of course. This was a daily medicine.

After he set it back down, he poured two bowls of porridge with two pieces of bread. He set them down at the table and called for Merlin. A moment later a lanky, raven-haired man appeared at the stairs and sleepily made his way to the table.

“Good morning, Merlin. Sleep well?” He asked, taking a seat on a stool on a side of the table.

“Surprisingly fine. Did you?” He asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I slept fine as well, my boy. As good as an old man can,” Merlin gave him a sad, sympathetic chuckle and took a bite of his porridge, “I’m glad to see you eating.”

“I just wasn’t hungry last night. Thank you for the meal.”

Gaius nodded slowly, “have you had any nightmares lately?”

Merlin broke off a piece of bread and plopped it into his mouth, “not since the one on the hunting trip.”

“Do you think the remedies are helping then?”

Merlin paused and looked away, “yes, maybe that’s it,” he mumbled quietly, and Gaius noticed how the tips of his ears reddened, “you are the best physician after all.”

Gaius rose an eyebrow, contemplating his ward’s emotions. Well, at least his remedies were helping.

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

Kara looked out the knight’s window with a small smirk on her face. She looked down at the training grounds and her eyes followed Arthur Pendragon. It was so simple. She was in his castle, he was in her view. If she had a crossbow she could easily point it and- BAM!

But she wouldn’t. She would immediately be found and executed, surely this young king still followed his father’s ways.

But, gods, she was so close. It had been so much easier to get into the castle then she thought. Originally, she was going to pass through the gates as a traveller and find a home on the outskirts of town. She would plan, observe and strike, maybe forming an alliance with Mordred. Although, now it was clear that Mordred was nothing more than loyal to his king. And with that servant, Emrys- or Merlin as they called him, it would be even more impossible.

But now she had an advantage. She was _in_ the castle. Physically close to Arthur Pendragon. And there had to be more traitors within the castle she could find... or neutral knights she could bribe to turn against the king.

Uther and his son were the darkness to this world, to their country and all magic-users and druids. They murdered, captured and beat the druids, her family. How could Mordred forget that so easily? That the men he serves exiled and murdered his people!

Kara angrily balled up her fist and made a quick swift turn on her heal. She darted out of Mordred’s room and down the halls of the dark, murderous castle. She stepped outside and eyed up the shops on the streets. Something caught Kara’s eye in one of the stands. She walked back a few paces and glanced at the shiny objects for sale on a red, velvet cloth. Daggers. And lots of them. She didn’t want to kill the king like this but if she had a perfect chance, she’d be foolish to not take it. And it was better to be prepared.

Just as Kara walked forward to grab one of the daggers, her body collided by someone else’s. Luckily, only the basket the person was holding was sent to the ground and they were both okay. The person bent down to pick it back up and when they lifted their head up, Kara got a clear view of who it was.

Merlin, that king loving warlock.

“Kara, sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” he apologized, but it seemed fake and pained. He avoided her eyes and glanced around their surroundings.

Kara scoffed quietly to herself, “it’s quite alright, Merlin,” she smiled artificially, letting her eyes fall back on the dagger display behind the servant. This caused Merlin to look back as well. Kara noticed a hitch in his breathing.

Merlin turned back around cautiously, “dagger shopping?”

 _Did he know?_ He couldn’t! “No, I was just looking. Mordred’s been talking about wanting a simple dagger to keep with him when he’s without sword.”

Merlin quirked his eyebrow, “he has? I wasn’t aware.”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t be. I’ve known him for much longer.”

_Too strong, Kara. Be gentler!_

She mentally laughed at Merlin’s expression. His lips twitched slightly like he was going to spit something back but he bit down on his lip in annoyance, “I suppose you have.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to your duties.”

Merlin didn’t say reply to her. He simply rushed past her, making sure to bump into Kara on his way.

She laughed to herself and continued to walk closer to the dagger stand. Spotting one she liked, it was a simple dagger small enough to be hidden in her clothes with a single red gem. She handed the vender some coins and he gave it her kindly in a little brown box. Kara held it close to her cloak and smirked happily before continuing down the streets.


	11. Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred and Merlin go through with their plan, but it doesn't how how they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for not updating. It's been a very wild year and I'm still wrapping my head around the obstacles of life. Thank you Saz_Rah for the motivation to update and everyone else who's been waiting. I've actually pre-written chapters but it was just a matter of editing them and posting them.
> 
> I do hope you enjoy.

Chapter Eleven-Change of Plans

 

       **MERLIN DROPPED THE KING’S** dinner onto his table and filled his cup with water to the top. He set the pitcher back on the table and put his hands behind his back, standing in silence.

“For once, Merlin, you’re actually on time with my dinner,” Arthur glared at him and took a seat at the table. He rose his goblet to his lips and drank. "And what’s this? You remembered to get fresh water for once rather than using the same pitcher from this morning.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and picked up a lonesome shirt off the floor. “I do try, you prat,” he huffed and shot the shirt he was holding at Arthur’s face.

Arthur sighed and peeled the shirt from off his face. He glared at Merlin and sent him a vexed smiled. "Come here, Merlin.”

The servant cautiously walked over to Arthur, step by step until he was standing by his side. Arthur snatched his goblet off the table and poured it all over the top of Merlin’s head. The servant held back the urge to shriek and pulled his lips into a thin line, deadpanning Arthur. He sighed and tore his soaked scarf off. He glared at Arthur as he wrung out his hair, which was now even darker than before.

“And that, Merlin,” Arthur began with a bright smile. "Is why you don’t throw shirts at kings.”

Where was Gwen? She could’ve slapped him right then and gotten away with it.

Merlin mumbled something under his breath and refilled Arthur’s goblet, “where’s Gwen? I haven’t seen her in here in months.”

Arthur sighed and looked down at the table, “she’s sleeping in her own room. I don’t think she’s comfortable being in here yet. She was a servant for so long, I think she feels like she doesn’t belong.”

Merlin frowned and nodded. He didn’t have anything to say to that but he would try to talk to Gwen a little later. It was times like those when Arthur could talk to him that Merlin really admired his life in Camelot. Sure, it wasn’t always good and magic was still outlaws but it reminded him that Arthur wasn’t his father. He cared about Merlin and his people. He only hoped that one day his views on magic, and a few other things, would change.

He finished tidying up a few more things on the ground before being dismissed for the evening. Merlin walked into Gaius’ chambers, and the old man was capping a few bottles, Gwaine’s hangover remedy was most likely one of them.

“Gaius, is my potion ready?” Merlin asked, taking a seat at the table the physician was working at.

Gaius extended a hand with a bottle in it. "Yes, Merlin. But I still don’t understand why you need such a specific potion. What scheme are you planning?”

Merlin frowned sadly and took the potion from Gaius’ hand, “I’m going to help that woman escape. And I know what you’re going to say. It’s stupid and dangerous and I’m going to get myself into trouble. But this is something i have to do. I’m pretty sure she was born with magic just like me. She’s my people and I have to help her.”

Gaius sighed and shook his head. "My boy, you’ve always had a big heart and I’m glad you follow it. But one of these days you will be caught, or worse, someone else who isn’t your friend like Arthur will find out.”

“I’ll be careful, Gaius. And Mordred is helping me, he’ll look out for me,” Merlin told him with a small blush that he tried so very hard to contain.

Gaius rose an eyebrow at his ward and Merlin looked away. He hopped out of his stool with the potion in his hands and began walk to his room.

“Merlin,” Gaius halted him. "Exactly what spell will you be using?”

“The one where I turn into Arthur, embarrass him a little and then help the sorceress escape,” Merlin smirked before darting up his stairs. He heard Gaius call after him but he already had his door shut.

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

Mordred was waiting in his chambers with Kara for Merlin. Tonight was the night they were going to try that spell out and hopefully help that woman Merlin cared so deeply for. Mordred thought it was sweet. He felt so much for everyone he came across. Not only that but he was always saving the King’s life and so many others and he never got thanks for it. But Mordred was going to show him how thankful he was, he was going to give Merlin the thanks he deserves. Even if no one else would.

Merlin knocked at his doors a few moments later and he pulled it open, motioning for him to come in, “why are you in your armour?” Merlin asked him first thing.

“I figured it’d be less questionable if I was following ‘ _King Arthur’_ in my knightly clothes rather than casual,” Mordred explained and grabbed his sword, pulling it through his armour.

Merlin nodded and noticed Kara standing behind him. She was wearing more casual, out-and-about clothes with shoes. Mordred glanced at Kara and then back Merlin. "Oh, I forgot to tell you that Kara wanted to come with.

Merlin held back a frown and irritated remark. “I think that would cause to much attention to ourselves.”

Kara glared at Merlin and sent him a fake smile. “I could act as another distraction to the knights. I think it would be a smart move.”

Merlin did his best not to laugh and turned to Mordred instead.

 _‘I thought it would just be us,’_ he thought.

_‘I know but Kara really wanted to join us. And she’s right, anyway. She could distract the knights while you and I unlock the cell.’_

_‘Then there’s not really a need for the spell, is there?’_

_‘Merls, please?’_

Merlin sighed and looked at Kara. "Fine, whatever. But we need a new plan now, there’s no point in the spell anymore.”

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

Merlin, Mordred and Kara walked down the halls, drawing more attention to themselves then there would have been if it was just Merlin and Mordred…

They made it to one of the smaller exits in the castle and Merlin nodded at Mordred, “remember, at the gate at the end of the tunnels.”

Mordred nodded back and left out the exit. He was headed towards the stalls to grab a horse while him and Kara would go down to the dungeons. And so they did, Merlin pulled open the door as quietly as possible and then looked down at the guards from the top of the stairs.

There were four knights from what Merlin counted but there was bound to be more scattered about. They had to be strategic and gods, he hoped Kara wouldn’t mess this up.

“Somnum,” Merlin whispered and his eyes flashed a deep gold colour. All the knights that were in his view fell to the ground in a peaceful slumber.

“See? Our new plan is way smarter than yours,” Kara snapped at him while she turned to start heading down the steps. Merlin grabbed her wrist and pulled her back before she walked away.

“What are you doing you-”

Merlin held his finger to his lips to tell her to be quiet. He looked over the ledge to see that three more knights had walked into the room. He repeated the spell and they fell into a deep sleep.

“Better plan? You almost just ruined,” he spat.

Kara rolled her eyes and they made their way down the stairs. Merlin ran to the cells, looking at each one until he found one in the very corner. At first he thought the dark lump was a pile of hay but it was the old woman from before.

He busted the lock open with his magic and the sorceress opened her eyes, “get back!” She yelled.

He held his hands up in defense, “we’re here to help. The guards are asleep, now’s your chance. Please, come with me,” he begged and lifted out his hand.

She stared at it long and hard, thinking and pondering. Finally, she accepted his hand and Merlin pulled her up.

“Hey, you three! Stop right there!” A loud voice said. Merlin turned to see one of the guards running towards them.

Kara jumped out in front of him and pulled out a dagger. Merlin gasped loudly, “Kara!” He yelled and used a spell to knock the guard out before she could do anything, “he should be out for a while, let’s go,” he whispered.

“There was really no need for that, Emrys. I could’ve taken him,” Kara glared but before Merlin could response, she took off for the tunnels.

Merlin rushed off with the woman, following Kara through the tunnels until they could see a light up ahead. The bolted exit was busted off, mostly likely by Mordred’s magic, and Kara leaped through with the help of Mordred’s outreached hand.

Merlin fought back another roll of the eyes and helped the woman up by himself while the two just stood there hugging. _Idiots._ He got in himself to the other side and quickly replaced the door.

“Thank you, I owe my life to you,” the woman smiled gratefully once they were all standing around the horse. She turned to Merlin and grabbed his hands. "And thank you. I should’ve known you were only trying to help me before, Merlin."

Merlin smiled, though he was a bit confused at how the woman knew his name. But she probably heard Arthur say it back when she was arrested. He squeezed her hands back, nodding. “We’re happy to help. No one should live in a cell, waiting for their fate to be decided, especially someone who have no say in how they were born.”

“What’s your name?” Mordred asked the sorceress. Merlin was wondering the same thing.

“I’m…” the woman paused for a moment, “my name is Ysmay.”

“Well, Ysmay, let’s get you out of here,” Mordred rushed. "The bells will probably start ringing shortly.”

Mordred helped Ysmay onto the horse, reassuring that she knew at least a little on how to ride one. The three of them stood back as the sorceress took off on the white stallion. They quickly ran the opposite direction, towards a more humble entrance to the castle than the tunnels.

They walked up the stairs to the knights quarters and Kara left for their chambers. God, he hated saying that. _Their_ chambers. Why did he hate saying that? He shouldn’t, it doesn’t really concern him. But the look on Kara’s face when Mordred said he was going to go with Merlin to his chambers was priceless. Gods, why was Merlin saying such things? Stupid! He was being stupid!

Once they arrived outside the physician’s room, they pushed open the door immediately burst out laughing in hysterics.

“This was the most fun I’ve had in a while, Merlin,” Mordred chuckled while shutting the door behind him. He wrapped his arms around the warlock from behind and laughed softly.

“Me too,” Merlin whispered, allowing himself to fall into Mordred’s arms.

“Even though you didn’t get to use your spell?”

“Well, I still think embarrassing Arthur would’ve been funnier but this was still enjoyable. And the look on her face we were helping her escape, I’ll never forget it,” Merlin let out a huge breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in.

Gaius then cleared his throat behind them, causing them to unattach from each other and turn around. Merlin glanced up at the old man’s disappointed face and smiled nervously.

“Mordred’s only been a knight for a few weeks and you’ve already gotten him in trouble,” Gaius shook his head, “what else would I expect from my boy?” Gaius sent him a smile, causing Merlin to sigh in relief, “here’s your sleeping draft, Merlin. And there’s dinner on the table when you get hungry.”

Merlin thanked the physician and he and Mordred fled to his room, “sleeping draft?” He asked once the door was shut behind them. _Oh no._ “I didn’t know your sleep was that bad,” Mordred frowned and took a seat on Merlin’s bed.

“It’s not…” Merlin trailed off and moved to where Mordred was. "...Not when I’m with you.”

Mordred smiled at the man standing above him and rested his hands on his lower hips. Merlin looked down at his hands just as Mordred pulled him down on his lap so a leg was on either side of him.

“Mordred…” Merlin gasped at the position they were in. It was wrong. It was so wrong but at the same time it felt so right.

“Merlin,” the curly haired man whispered and rested a hand on the side of Merlin’s neck.

Merlin sighed and leaned forward, allowing his chin to rest in the crook of Mordred’s neck. He hugged Mordred and clung onto him tightly like he was going to lose him, “this is wrong…”

Mordred smiled and rubbed the back of Merlin’s neck with his thumb, “no, it’s not.”

Merlin hummed, “are you staying tonight?” he mumbled into his neck, his warm breath hitting Mordred’s skin.

“I can’t,” Mordred whispered, causing a frown on Merlin’s lips, “Kara-

“It’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I really am sorry. Will you be alright?”

“I’ll be fine, I’m not a child, Mordred,” Merlin snapped, pulling away from the knight. “If anything, you are.”

“I never said you were, Merls. And I’m not a child anymore, either,” Mordred let his hands fall back to his hips to help him out of his lap. They climbed off the warlock’s bed and headed to the door.

“Goodnight, remember to eat dinner,” he told Merlin on the way out.

“I know,” he blushed with a smile. "Goodnight, Mordred.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: Some of these chapters have been written months ago, so that being said, along with me still learning how to improve my writing, many parts in this story are gonna... well, SUCK. 
> 
> I do not own Merlin, all rights to that go to BBC. 
> 
> I own this story and you are not allowed to copy or take credit for my work. Creating your own works based of my stories is okay as long as I am cited. If you would like to translate any of my stories, I'd be happy with you doing that but please contact me beforehand on AO3 and credit me for the original work.


	12. There's Something About That Girl, Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short recap: Merlin spotted Kara dagger shopping. Something felt suspicious about it.
> 
> Summary: Mordred continues to pine for Merlin, though Merlin couldn't be anymore oblivious. Kara is up to no good and Merlin knows it.
> 
> SOME FluFF and kISS SceNes in thIs chApter!!

Chapter Twelve-There’s Something About That Girl Kara

**KARA LOOKED AT THE MAN** next to her in bed. He always did insist on her sleeping in his bed, but this time she demanded he’d sleep on it too. Obviously Mordred didn’t think of her in the same way so this was nothing but a friend sharing a bed with another friend. But to her, it was so more than that.

It’s all because of that stupid servant. All Mordred ever did was talk about him. Kara didn’t know if the other man felt the same but she guessed he did because he seemed to hate her. That servant needed to be stopped! Not only because he was stealing her lover, but because he knew what she was up to. His eyes were on her that day she bought the dagger. And he had stopped her when she tried to attack the guard who’d found them breaking Ysmay out. She had to do something, but first she had to wait to see what that foolish boy would do next.

Kara peeked her eyes open to see it was not yet time to rise for the day. Maybe the knights and other nobles, but for a simple, poor guest of the castle, she could awaken whenever as she had nothing to do. She liked the luxury of not having work to dread on every morning she woke up.

The druid girl looked across the bed to see that Mordred was still there sleeping, farthest away from Kara as he could be. She scowled and went to poke him to wake up but there was a sound at the door. A moment later it opened and a certain pale, lanky warlock walked through. She closed her eyes immediately and pretended to be in a slumber.

“Mordred,” he whispered and shook the knight’s shoulder gently, she could feel the vibrations. Mordred stirred for a minute, making an incoherent sound before falling back to sleep. “Mordred,” he tried again but this time the bed shook harder.

“Huh?” Mordred yawned. “Merlin? What are you doing here?”

She felt the knight get out of bed and quiet footsteps.

“Arthur wants you on the training grounds right away. You’re late for practice,” the warlock told him. She heard Mordred gasp and a minute later there was some rustling. Kara slowly opened his eyes a crack to see they had moved closer to where his chain mail was on the table. “Here, let me you,” Merlin said and slipped him into his armour. He placed the breastplate on and then grabbed his sword and handed it to him.

Mordred grabbed it by its hilt and slid it into a loop on his side. “Thank you, Merlin,” he whispered and placed one of his hands on the warlock’s hip, the other on his neck. She watched intently as his thumb began to run circles on his hip under his tunic.

The man blushed and crept closer. He placed his chin on the knight’s shoulder and pressed his nose into his neck but kept his eyes looking at the knight. "Hi,” he whispered gently.

_ How dare he?! That should be me with Mordred, not him! _

"Hello," Mordred whispered back.

Merlin looked back at Kara like he’d felt her watching them. She quickly closed her eyes and when she felt him look away, she opened then again, just in time to see Merlin quickly pulling away from Mordred.

_ Timid, are we? _   She wanted to laugh.

“You should get going to training,” Merlin smiled and began to walk to the door. “Or else Arthur will have my head.”

Mordred grinned and gave him a nod. They walked out the door together and disappeared.  Kara just smiled to herself as she drew from bed, stretching her arms over her head. Mordred wouldn't be his for long.

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Arthur was once again being a prat to the knights. He was angry that day at practice and was taking it out on Mordred because he’d been late. He was practically attacking him, which was completely unfair, seeing as Mordred only just started learning how to properly use a sword. 

Merlin watched as the younger man blocked another indignant hit from the king. He swung his own sword at him but he was no match and Arthur hit his blade with force, sending it flying away into the ground.

“Sire!” Gwaine shouted from a few meters away, “what the hell’s up with you? The lad’s still new at this, ease up.”

Arthur angrily sucked in a breath of air. He struck the tip of his blade into the dirt and grasp the handle with his fingers tightly, “Gwaine, I can do what I want. Stay out of it, please.”

“No,” Gwaine continued, “I want a reason why you’re acting this way. Is it because that sorceress escaped?”

The king rolled his eyes, shaking his head in pain, “yes, it’s because an evil magic-user escaped my cells. Tell me, how does one escape the dungeons of Camelot?”

Merlin looked over to Mordred who was already looking at him and gave him a small, knowing smile.

_ ‘Shh, wouldn’t want the king to find out, would we?’  _ Mordred chuckled in their minds.

_ ‘He’s such an idiot. I’m sorry he’s attacking you. I’ll make sure to talk to him later.’ _

_ ‘You don’t have to. He’ll cool off eventually and apologize… most likely.’ _

The next few minutes of practice, Arthur had calmed down quite a bit but he was still taking it out on Mordred and now Gwaine. Merlin would be sure to give him a piece of his mind as soon as they were alone.

Sometime later the warlock felt something bump into his shoulder and he looked over to see Kara standing a little too close for comfort. She had a smile on her face that he didn’t like. She was up to something.

“Hello, Merlin,” her lips curled into a hard smile.

“What are doing here?” Merlin asked coolly, keeping his eyes on the knights instead of the girl next to him.

“I just wanted to see the knights practice, see how Mordred is doing. Am I not allowed?”

Merlin shook his head. “You can do what you want. I’m just a servant, I can’t tell you what to do.”

Kara smiled at him, “I suppose you are just a servant… And Mordred’s a knight.”

Merlin rose an eyebrow at her words.  _ What did she mean? What was she trying to say?  _ He decided to just try and ignore her to the best of his ability, which was hard with how close she was standing to him. He just rolled his eyes and took a step away.

Merlin was lost in his thoughts for the rest of the training. He hadn’t paid attention to whether Arthur had cooled off or not but he knew Mordred could handle it either way so he wasn’t worried. Some of the knights spotted Kara and him over off to the side and they ran over, all sweaty and panting from their hard work.

“Merlin,” Gwaine yelled, out of breath and clapping a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve gotta do something about that king of yours. You’re the person he’ll most likely listen to.”

“I’ll tell the prat off,” he grinned, earning a thankful slap on the back from the knight.

Gwaine’s eye contact drifted off Merlin and onto Kara, then at Mordred and back to the girl. “I wish I had girls watching me train as you do, Mordred,” he exclaimed, receiving a chuckle from the curly haired man.

“How’d you two start courting anyway? What’s the story?” Percival asked from beside them. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat and he froze at the question stated.

They weren’t courting, Mordred would’ve told him if they were. Unless it had been totally obvious that he felt he didn’t need to explain it to Merlin. Was he really that dumb? Or was Percival just joking? And why did he care anyway? Mordred can court who he wants, even if it’s stuck up girls like Kara.

Mordred laughed loudly, “no, no, no, we’re not courting. We’re simply friends, Percy,” he continued to nod his head in laughter as if what Percival had said was the stupidest thing.

“Aw, come on, mate,” Gwaine added, “friends don’t look at each other like that. There’s obviously some chemistry somewhere.”

Kara was blushing and laughing like an idiot when she said, “he’s right, we’re not courting… not anymore, that is.”

_ Anymore?! _

“Wait, wait, wait, hold on a minute-”

“Gwaine, we were just teenagers. It lasted only from a winter to the next-- probably not even that long” he heard Mordred say.

Merlin’s heart felt like it disappeared for a second and then was shoved back in. They dated. He could see it now; Kara and Mordred kissing, talking like lovers do. Why did it hurt so much for Merlin to know this?

“That’s a long time! Wait, did you two ever, y’know-”

“Gwaine!” Percival called. He could tell Kara was blushing and he didn’t even have to glance in her direction.

“I’m going to go yell at that prat now,” Merlin intervened, a perfect plan to escape. As he walked away, Gwaine clapped another hand on his shoulder.

“You’re a lifesaver, Meeerlin!”

The warlock didn’t say anything in reply and he never looked back. He just walked away from the scene with a distasteful expression plastered on his face.

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

“I don’t know what to say, Gaius. I just  _ really  _ don’t fancy her being here. There’s something off about her,” Merlin explained to the physician over a lukewarm bowl of porridge. His head was resting on his palm, elbow placed on the table and he was staring into his half-eaten bowl of spelt. “She makes my stomach churn.”

Gaius let out a sigh, “what are you going to do about it?”

Merlin shrugged and pushed the porridge around with his spoon. “I suppose if I have to I’ll use magic to stop her, you know if she attempts to kill the king. There has to be a reason she’s here. They couldn’t have just  _ found  _ her in the woods.”

Merlin stood up from his stool to head to Arthur’s chambers. “I have to go get Arthur ready for bed. We can talk more about this later,” he explained and turned to leave.

“After you finish your porridge, that is.”

Merlin stopped and turned back to his bowl, filling his mouth with a few more scoops. “Thank you,” he mumbled, mouth-filled with food. He dashed out of the door leaving Gaius behind shaking his head.

Merlin headed to Arthur’s rooms, collected his dinner plate and few more dishes from that day. He helped Arthur get dressed and ready for bed. Just as he was about to leave for the night, of course, the prat needed something else.

“Do you think I did the right thing? Capturing that sorceress even though she was an old woman.”

The question had caught him off guard. Sure, he’d given Arthur advice before and he often asked Merlin for help but never about magic. Merlin cleared his throat and paused to think. He leaned against the door, pondering, “no,” he bluntly stated, “I think you did the wrong thing.”

Arthur sat up in his bed, looking at his servant, “okay, Merlin, and what would you have done?”

“I wouldn’t have chased her in the first place,” he snapped, feeling angry and fed up after all these years of Arthur’s stupidity. He had enough and now it was blowing up in his face from keeping it in so long.

“You think that just because people are different, they should be treated differently too. But guess what? You married Gwen and she was a servant! Why can’t you treat people with  _ magic _ with that same respect?”

“You want me to marry all the sorcerers?”

Merlin groaned. “No, Arthur. I want you to stop being so pig-headed and see what’s right in front of you!” He yelled loudly, scaring himself, even. He froze once he realized what he had said. He sucked in a deep breath, trying to figure out how to play it off.

“And what’s right in front of me, Merlin?”

“No one,” he muttered, turning and pulling the doors open in front of him. He walked down the stairs and brought the dishes to the kitchen, all the while regretting what he had said. He was so close to Arthur finding out! His life in Camelot could’ve been over. His life anywhere could’ve been over. He needs to be more careful.

Merlin went back up the stairs and turned down the hall. There were two knights that he didn’t know and it seemed like they were in a heated argument. He didn’t want to intervene so he made a left back where he came from but this time took the hall down the Knights’ corridors to get to his chambers.

When he made a turn, he hadn’t expected to see two people kissing. Usually the halls down there were pretty vacant except for the occasional knight leaving and entering his room. Merlin was just going to walk past and pretend not to see anything when he noticed that the couple looked vaguely familiar. All the colour from Merlin’s face drained and he froze as he’d just witnessed a murder. He turned and ran back as fast as he could. He darted through the hall where the knights were fighting and all the way to his chambers. He tore open the door, ran to his room without a word to Gaius and slammed his door.

Merlin fell onto his bed, allowing his face to hit the pillow. He breathed in a shaky breath and let it escape into the fabric of the pillow. His pressed his nails into his palms instead of trying to analyze what just happened. He didn’t even want to think, he just wanted to sleep. He didn’t want to know why it hurt him so much. He didn’t want to know this feeling he was having in the pit of his stomach. He just wanted to sleep.

Tears were falling freely from his eyes now. His sobs were muffled by his pillow but he couldn’t help his shaking body.

“Merlin?” The door creaked open and he felt Gaius take a seat at the edge of his bed, “what’s wrong my boy? Arthur being hard on you again?”

“No, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” he mumbled into the fabric. But he wasn’t fine, he was shaking, his hands and his fingers. He struggling for breath and when he couldn’t find one, he began to panic. He sat up from the bed and tried to catch his breath but he just couldn’t. He sucked air in but it felt like nothing was entering.

“Merlin, breathe,” Gaius spoke softly, resting a hand on his back. “Breathe deeply with me, alright?”

Merlin nodded and started matching his breath with Gaius’, listening to the numbers he was shooting off for each second between each breath. The warlock held his chest in pain at the sudden ache he felt there. It made him lose control of his breathing once again. He was going to pass out, he felt like he was going to die.

“Merlin, you’re okay but you need to breathe with me. You’re alright, my boy, just breathe,” Gaius reassured him.

“I’m trying to!” Yelled Merlin, agitated at him for talking so much. He gained control once again with deep breaths and Gaius’ counting.

Merlin sighed and looked down at his trembling hands. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and sweat from his forehead with the back of one and fell back into the bed.

“Merlin, I’m worried about you,” he heard Gaius sigh.

“Can I just be left alone? Please?”

Gaius was hesitant at first but he eventually nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him. Merlin swallowed and slipped his jacket and neckerchief off. He lied back down and, facing the wall, he closed his eyes.

Why had he cared so much that Mordred and Kara were kissing? It didn’t matter. Mordred was his friend, he should be happy that he found someone to love. But what was this feeling in his stomach?! He felt angry, but there was something else… hurt, betrayal? Why would he feel any of those? It didn’t make sense. Mordred didn’t betray him, not one bit.

So  _ why?! _

There was a slight knock at the door but before Merlin could say anything, someone was walking in.

“Gaius, I said I’m fine.”

“Hey, I’m not that old yet,” a much younger voice exclaimed. Merlin rolled his eyes and stayed silent. “You’re much closer to Gaius’ age if anything,” he chuckled.

Merlin didn’t laugh with him. Or reply with anything. He didn’t have anything to say to him so he sat, staring blankly at the wall, turned away from him.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Mordred asked, worriedly. “Talk to me, Merls.”

He felt the man’s weight on the bed and his figure sitting in front of him. His fingers grabbed his chin, pulling his head up. Mordred looked down at him with a soft smile, brushing his fingers against the skin under his chin.

_ What the hell was he doing?!  _

Merlin shoved him off harshly and jumped up from his bed, scrambling across his room to the window on the far end. He looked out and tried to find something to rest his eyes on but it was night and everything was dark outside except the stars glistening in the sky and the moon glowing luminescent.

He heard Mordred follow him and let out an annoyed sigh. “Alright, what did I do now?” Merlin shook his head and shrugged. “You’re acting like a child again, Merlin.”

“Then just leave!” Merlin yelled harshly but refused to turn around to look at him in the face. “There’s nothing keeping you here. Go back to Kara.”

He heard Mordred angrily sigh again and then felt something heavy against his shoulder. He saw in the reflection of the window that the knight was now resting his chin on his shoulder. He felt his breath on his neck that sent goosebumps up his spine and made the hairs on his arms stand up straight. He shoved Mordred off once again and then crossed his arms, staring back out the window.

“You know what, I’m done, Merlin!” Mordred scoffed, beginning to walk away.

“Fine! You should go back to Kara, the poor thing is probably lost without you!”

Mordred paused in his stepped and turned back. “What the hell is your problem?!” He yelled, a fire burning in his eye.

“Kara! Kara is my problem. Everything was fine before  _ she _ got here!” Merlin yelled back, the same fire burning in his irises. “It was just going to be me and you saving that sorceress. We had a plan and everything and then she just comes along and ruins it all! And then all the knights are constantly talking about her and it’s driving me crazy.  _ “How long have you and Mordred been together?”  _ Or,  _ “you and Mordred are so cute together.”  _ It’s like you’re all obsessed with her! And she’s so needy, whining about sharing your room but you’re never there because you’re here with me. She has everything and yet she wants so much more. She wants things that aren’t hers. She wants things she can’t bloody have!” Merlin yelled, his voice starting to hoarse near the end.

“What can’t she have, Merlin? What isn’t hers?” Mordred asked, slightly calmer that he had been a few moments ago. He was much closer to Merlin now. He had his arm over his head, causing the warlock’s body to be pressed against the back wall.

“You!” He yelled one last time before his voice softened. “She can’t have you,” he whispered, gazing into Mordred’s eyes with a sadness and a relief.

Mordred cupped his cheek and brought his face closer to his. Merlin could feel the other man’s breathing hitting his face, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. Before he could pull away or even think, Mordred had his lips on Merlin’s. His body pressed into his on the wall.

Merlin was scared, he was frightened. He had never kissed another boy and he had only ever kissed a girl once. Freya.

He didn’t kiss back at first, he couldn’t. Mordred was a knight, he was nothing but a servant. Not to mention they were both men and Merlin was still older than him by quite a few years. But his lips felt so soft, even when his own weren’t moving, they felt like silk. 

Mordred noticed he hadn’t been kissing back and he pulled away so their lips were only grazing each others’ when they spoke. “You didn’t kiss me back.”

Merlin looked at his eyes, they were sad and guilty, making him feel sad and guilty as well, “I wanted to,” he mumbled against his bottom lip, dying to press his back against them. “I can’t, Mordred.”

“Why not?” Mordred asked painfully, closing and pressing his forehead against Merlin’s.

“Because,” he sighed, lowering his head so it was resting in the nook of the other man’s neck. He couldn’t finish, he didn’t have an answer. He began to feel pressure on his neck and noticed them as little kisses being delicately placed all along the skin. He whimpered softly and leaned into the touches, his heart melting.

Mordred trailed the gentle kisses from his shoulder to his neck all the way up to his ear. Merlin was squeezing the knight’s shoulder as he did so, holding back another vulnerable whimper. Mordred brought his lips back down to the warlock’s and spoke against his chapped ones, “because why?”

“Because I’m scared,” he whispered. He was scared of what would happen.

The curly haired man took his fingers and placed them under his chin. He leaned Merlin’s head and tilted his chin so he would look up at him, “may I kiss you again?"

Merlin’s eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Mordred’s light blue ones. They were beautiful and he could see different speckles of all sorts of blues in them. There was something in his irises that shun, a sort of dominance. It made him feel small and powerless Merlin couldn’t find words to reply with so instead he nodded his head. Mordred smiled and pressed his lips back to Merlin’s, and this time, the warlock kissed back.

The knight grinned against his lips as he brought his arms to the other boy’s waist. Merlin matched his smile and wrapped his own arms around Mordred’s neck. He was blushing madly, he could tell. His face felt hot and he was sure the tips of his ears were annoyingly red as well.

Being held by Mordred had always felt so right. And now kissing him felt even better. It was euphoric, that kind of feeling you get when you learn a new spell or complete a very difficult one correctly. His lips were the softest, softer than Freya’s had been. They tasted sweet like fruit and strong like wine. He could feel both of their magic pouring out as they kissed. It was electric.

They pulled away for a second to catch their breath and Mordred gave him that strange look again that made him feel vulnerable and weak at the knees. The knight smiled and looked him up and down, brushing his thumb against his cheekbone. Merlin blushed and gave him a small, embarrassed smile. Mordred grinned and slipped his fingers under his chin. He pressed a kiss to the edge of his lips, almost taunting him. Merlin moved so their lips were touching and they began to kiss again.

He breathed the druid’s scent in and it relaxed him. He always smelled so good, like fresh pine and lavender, and Merlin could never figure out why. He focused on his scent, the feeling of his lips, the taste of them. This was special moment with Mordred that he never wanted to end.

Mordred took the warlock’s hips and pressed his body against the wall, causing a hitch in his breathing. Then he took his teeth, bit down on Merlin’s bottom lip and slipped his tongue in. But Merlin whimpered and pulled away before he could continue. He looked so scared, so vulnerable and made Mordred want to punch himself.

“Merlin, I’m sorry,” he apologized genuinely and reached out for his hand, “I moved too fast.”

Merlin slipped his hand out of Mordred’s and walked past him, ignoring the calls. He pushed both doors open and ran down the steps until he was outside in the cold, brisk air. It was dark everywhere and he could see nothing but he felt something hard and, guessing it was a wall, he leaned against it. His fingers went to his lips and brushed the bottom one that was still slightly sore.

“What am I doing?” He whispered to himself, sinking to the ground. Kissing Mordred? That was wrong. And doing whatever Mordred was instigating next, that would make Merlin a horrible person. 


	13. Confiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin confides in Gwen with his deepest feelings about the mess he got himself into. He and Mordred talk about what happened... _things get friskaaayy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to update. My Wifi has been out of sorts this whole month!
> 
> Enjoy! Let me know what you think o_O

Chapter Thirteen-Confiding 

 

         **HE HADN’T TALKED TO GWEN IN AGES.** She no longer slept in the king’s room, Merlin didn’t know why, but because of this, he was never able to see her. Of course, he still talked to her and her husband did as well, but it was hard to find her, especially when Merlin had so much to do all in one day.

The warlock knocked on her chambers, hoping the beautiful lady was there. His wish came true a few moments later when he heard a, “come in!” He pushed the doors open and Gwen turned his way immediately with a big grin on her face, “Merlin!” She exclaimed and reached her arms out.

Merlin fell into the hug, wrapping his arms around her torso, “I’ve missed you, Gwen,” he mumbled. “It’s been too long.”

Gwen sighed happily and took Merlin’s hand, pulling him to her bed. They sat down, facing each other, still grinning like idiots. “Oh, I know, Merls. I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy. Being Queen is harder than I thought. I just have so many more responsibilities. Even though my work as a servant was extremely tiring, I didn’t have a whole kingdom that depended on me as I do now.”

Merlin nodded his head in complete understanding. “What happened anyway? You and Arthur aren’t living in the same chambers anymore. It was so sudden and every time I ask him about it, he closes up. Did you two have a fight?”

“Not a fight, per se, more of a misunderstanding. Dear god, you know how the man is, how difficult he can be sometimes. We just disagree on so many things and most of it doesn’t even matter. Arthur loved his father, even though they had their troubles, and he wants Camelot to live on in his name but so many things Uther did were terrible. It’s hard for me to stand by his side when we have such different views.”

“What don’t you agree with?”

Gwen sighed, lying down on her pillow so she was flat on her back. “Many things,” she reached for Merlin’s hand and he gave it to her. She pulled him down so his head was resting on her chest. “Politics for starters. Racial issues are hard to bring up with him even though I know he’s not a bad man. He just doesn’t understand how privileged he is as a white male of high social class. Then of course magic… Don’t even get me started on magic.”

Merlin’s ears had perked up at that. “Magic?”

Gwen began playing with his hair, taking a longer piece in the back and attempting to braid it. “Yes, I know. I shouldn’t say such things, not in these times. But, Merlin, it can’t all be bad, can it? I mean, the druids are so peaceful and some of them have magic that I know they would never abuse. Morgana was a different story. I truly believe that if she had known how to deal with it, she wouldn’t have used it to hurt and cause so much pain,” Gwen began to tear up a bit and Merlin took his thumb, brushing a single tear away. “Thank you.”

“Arthur will never understand what you and I see. Magic isn’t a weapon- and it isn’t evil. There is only evil in the hearts of men- and women,” he spoke sadly, knowing he could never truly tell Arthur who he was.

“You’re very wise, Merlin. Arthur should be grateful to have you at his side.” Merlin sent her a small smile in thanks, “tell me about you. We haven’t talked in ages and I feel like I know hardly anything about you.”

Merlin shrugged, “my life is just confusing right now. I suppose it always is…”

“Are your nightmares bothering you again?” Gwen asked, worriedly.

“Not so much anymore. I’ve had a bit of help from someone so they’re not too bad. Actually, I need your advice. You’re a romantic, right?”

Gwen chuckled, “I suppose…”

“Well, I’m really confused. There’s this person and I’m not sure how I feel about hi-them. They kissed me last night and at first, I didn’t kiss back because I was scared. But when they kissed me again, I finally kissed back. It was the best feeling, Gwen. I’ve never felt so free and loved before. But I don’t know what it means. At first when we were just hugging and… cuddling, I thought we were just friends, y’know, like you and me. I guess I didn’t really think about what we were doing, I just did it and it wasn’t until we kissed that noticed a feeling inside of me. I don’t know what it is and I’m frightened.”

“Well, it’s obvious you like this girl and she likes you. You’re young and it doesn’t matter. Go with your feeling, you have nothing to lose.”

Was that it? Did he really just have feelings for Mordred? No, no, no, he couldn’t! It was bad enough that they kissed. Merlin felt a pain in his heart and he shook his head. 

“That’s the thing, Gwen, we cannot feel this way towards each other.” Merlin hesitated to say the pronouns Gwen used so he stuck with his own. “They’re in a higher social class than me. I’m just a servant and h- and they’re practically royalty. It wouldn’t be moral and I could get both of us in trouble.”

“Oh, Merlin, you know Arthur wouldn’t care. I was a servant and he _married_ me for god’s sake! Unless they live in Cenred’s kingdom or somewhere else other than Camelot, I think you’ll be safe.”

Merlin let out a sigh of relief. He was thankful she didn’t say _‘she’_ again. For some reason, it made him uncomfortable, although, he didn’t know why. The only problem besides their difference in class was the fact that they were both men.

They heard the door open a few moments later while the warlock was still in his thoughts. Arthur walked in and rolled his eyes when he saw his head resting on Gwen. “Merlin, get off my wife. She and I have very important business to attend to.”

Merlin nearly gagged and sat up from the bed, “gross!” He exclaimed, walking to the door before he’d see something he didn’t want to see. “Thanks, Gwen,” he called out before slipping out the door.

“Of course. And remember what I said, Merlin. If you love them, nothing can overpower that!”

Merlin walked out of Gwen’s chambers feeling content and confident. She had been right about Mordred being a knight. Arthur surely wouldn’t care, he did marry Gwen and she was a servant.

He was still confused but most of it was cleared up. One thing was for sure, he fancied Mordred. It felt weird to admit, maybe even wrong to admit it. But now he knew it was true. Damn, he liked that knight. He loved his those thick, locks of curly hair on his head that tickled the back of his neck. He loved his hands and the way they touched him, making him feel safe and protected. He loved that stupid grin he wore when he’d get Merlin to blush like an idiot. He loved that voice, so young yet so deep, deeper than Merlin’s could ever be. He loved his lips. He loved how soft they were, how they felt against his, how they tasted. He really did like Mordred and it was stupid it’d taken him this long to figure out.

Did that make him gay? Or was Mordred just different? He supposed it didn’t really matter as long as he knew how he felt about Mordred.

Merlin’s feet had a mind of their own today. He wanted to go back to his own chambers but somewhere in his brain, there must’ve been part of him that told his feet to carry him where they did. _Curse his feet, curse his feet._

His fingers wrapped around the door.

 _What are you doing?! Stop!_ His mind was yelling at him, tearing him up inside to stop whatever he was doing.

He pushed the door open slightly.

_Stop! Turn back!_

He pushed it all the way open and shut it behind him, causing two heads to turn. He hated Kara for being here right now. He hated her for kissing Mordred.

“Get out,” he spoke sharply at the girl. 

She laughed and cocked her head like it was a joke, “excuse me?”

_Just shut up, Merlin! Leave her be!_

“I said get out,” he repeated himself, nodding to the door as he stared daggers into the girl’s eyes. She scoffed after a long pause and dismissed herself from the chambers. What was wrong with him? What was he doing? It felt like someone was controlling his body.

“Merlin?” He heard Mordred question him from across the room on his bed. Merlin walked up to him and, before either of them could say anything else, he straddled the knight on his bed and connected their lips.

Mordred was taken back, he could tell. At first, it didn’t seem like Mordred was going to kiss back but then he took Merlin’s chin and moved his lips in sync with his own.

Merlin was breathing heavily. He was anxious and nervous and scared but damn that kiss was everything. He wrapped his arms around Mordred’s neck, just giving in. He felt the knight wrap his own arms around his lower waist.

The kiss was soft like the night before. His lips still tasted like fruit and wine and his hair still smelled of pine and lavender. He felt Mordred’s hands find their way under his shirt and his thumb start caressing his hips.

He felt so safe, so warm, so loved. He was happy, joyed, comforted. Mordred was his home.

It was Merlin this time that bit Mordred’s lip. The knight pulled away with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

Merlin let out a happy sigh and nodded. He looked into Mordred’s eyes with adoration and an assurance, “I just… I was scared yesterday.”

Mordred brought a thumb to Merlin’s cheek and brushed his skin, “I know and I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone like that, that’s all. I don’t know how…”

Mordred’s resting face immediately turned into a surprised one, “you’ve never… ever? Not even tongue?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, slightly embarrassed. “Oh, shut up. I lived in a small village and everyone hated me. I didn’t really have a chance to go round french-kissing everyone.”

Mordred frowned slightly at his words and it made the other man begin to regret saying anything at all. But the knight smiled anyway. “Well, I’ll show you how then. Just follow my lead.”

Merlin’s face was flushing the whole when Mordred connected their lips again. He gasped when he felt his tongue brush against his bottom lip. Merlin timidly opened his mouth, allowing Mordred to slip his tongue in. He left out a soft moan, regretting it completely after came out. The curly-haired man simply chuckled and brushed his tongue under Merlin’s. Their kiss deepened and Mordred pressed his lips harder against the other’s mouth.

Hands were everywhere now. The knight snuck his fingers back under his shirt and they travelling up his sides, on his hips, his chest and Merlin was letting him. His own hands were gripping Mordred’s curls and his shoulder blades. They were practically eating each other’s faces off now.

They had to break apart a few times for air and each time Merlin was too impatient and shoved his mouth back onto Mordred’s.

Mordred suddenly took Merlin’s hips and pulled him off his lap. He pushed him onto his bed and pressed his body against the warlock’s, deepening the kiss once again. Merlin loved the way his body pressed into his. He could feel his heartbeat and his breathing against him. Each time the knight would deepen the kiss, his thighs and chest would press into his. And once again the raven-haired boy would grasp at Mordred’s curls and whimper when he gnawed at his lip.

Merlin nearly lost it when he felt fingers on his neckerchief, pulling it off and throwing it to the floor. He felt kisses again on his neck. They weren’t soft like before, they were heated and lustful, like fire on his skin. He whimpered again when he felt Mordred begin to suck at some skin under his jaw. He gripped Mordred’s shoulders when he hit a sweet spot and licked, sucked and gnawed at it. He moaned again and regretting it but Mordred seemed to like it and he sucked at a dozen more places, finding the sounds of Merlin’s voice amusing and lovable.

Mordred stopped at his collarbone and littered more kisses along his throat until he made his way back to Merlin’s lips. He gave him a final kiss before turning away and falling against the mattress, tired and out of breath. He could hear Merlin’s laboured breathing, matching his.

Merlin turned over and pressed himself against Mordred so his lips were at his neck. “I like you,” he whispered as he clung to the other boy’s side.

Mordred smiled softly and brought a hand to his cheek, “I like you too,” he whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "A lot."


	14. Young Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello im tired

Chapter Fourteen-Young Love

 

**MERLIN WOKE UP** in Mordred’s arms the next morning. The sunlight was beaming out the windowsill and he stretched his arms out wide, yawning. He looked over, noticing the other man was still asleep and a smile made its way onto his face.

Last night was the best night of his life. He didn’t realize he could be that happy until he was kissing Mordred and falling asleep in his arms. If someone had told him three weeks ago that he’d be waking up in Mordred’s bed with the biggest grin on his face, he’d tell them they were crazy.

Merlin yawned again and then moved over a few spaces so he could lay on top of Mordred. He decided to wake him up by pressing little kisses along his neck. He heard a soft, groggy groan and a yawn just like his.

“Mmmf, good morning,” Mordred mumbled and took the other man’s chin. He pressed their lips together and they shared a short, sweet kiss. “Did you sleep well?”

Merlin nodded, pressing his face into Mordred’s chest. The knight’s fingers went up to play with it, almost causing Merlin to fall back asleep again. But what kept him awake was a question he’d been pondering the whole time they were kissing. It had been bothering him since last night but he didn’t want to ruin anything by asking it. Now was his chance.

“Why’d you kiss Kara?” He mumbled in a tone that wasn’t sad nor happy. He was just confused. He didn’t want to bring it up last night because he was too happy. But he needed to know and now was the time to ask.

He felt Mordred tense up and his fingers stopped stroking his hair, “you saw that?”

“Of course I saw it.”

Mordred sighed painfully, “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to see. But I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me. And I assume you left too quickly to see me pull away. I don’t feel that way about her.”

Merlin picked up his head so his chin was resting on Mordred’s chest now, “are you sure?”

Mordred laughed loudly and he felt it in his chest. “Yes, I’m pretty gay, Merls. Bur she won’t take a hint.” Merlin rose his head up with a shocked expression and the knight shot him a look, “you didn’t know? I’ve been hitting on you this entire time. Think I didn’t notice your cute little ass when the Saxons captured you? I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. And, not to mention, I freeze up every time Gwaine takes his shirt off for practice.”

Merlin felt a pang in his heart at that last part but he brushed it off. ‘Well, I guess it didn’t occur to me.”

Mordred rolled his eyes with a grin and closed his mouth over Merlin’s. He kissed back, melting into it once again as the knight bit his lip and slipped his tongue into his mouth. He moaned softly and allowed Mordred to run his hands up his shirt to explore, not that he hadn’t felt any of that before. Just as he was about to slip Merlin’s scarf off for the second time, the warlock pulled away.

“I have to go wake up the king. You should get ready for practice anyway,” he smiled at the expression he had left on the knight as he walked to the door.

“You’re such a cock blocker, Meeerliin!” Mordred groaned loudly just as he opened the door. One of the maids awkwardly coughed and walked away. His already red cheeks turned a brighter colour.

“Shut up,” he grumbled at Mordred and shot him a look to which the knight just smirked.

He snuck out of the room, closing the door behind him and headed down to the kitchens to get the prat’s meal. Once he had it in his hands, forgetting to knock, he pushed the door open. He screamed when he saw a half-naked Gwen getting up from the bed. He quickly shoved a hand over his eyes.

“Merlin!” He heard her yell and the sound of a blanket, most likely to cover herself up.

“I didn’t know you were going to be right there!” He exclaimed.

“Merlin,” he heard Arthur groan, “this is why you knock. Please, try to store that information somewhere in your puny brain so you remember.”

“Arthur, be nice! You can open your eyes now, Merlin.”

The warlock hesitantly removed his hand but kept his gaze at the ground as he set the king’s breakfast plate down on the table, “I’m sorry, Gwen. I didn’t bring any breakfast up for you. Would you like me to go grab you something from the kitchen?”

Gwen shook her head firmly, “no, that’s alright. I’ll have my maid bring it up to me when I head back to my chambers.”

He saw Arthur’s expression drop at her words, “you’re not staying?” He frowned.

Gwen gave him a sympathetic smile and shook her head, “let’s not ruin what we had last night.”

Merlin felt like he had to throw up. He cringed and began picking up around the room to block out whatever they were saying. He grabbed Arthur a change of clothes from the cupboard, gathered his armour added some fresh water to a lily in a glass. He only turned and turned into what the king and queen were saying when he heard his name.

“What?” He mumbled. What was with those looks on their royal faces?

“I was just saying that it looked like you had a little fun last night, as well,” Gwen winked at him and motioned towards his neck. 

Merlin turned to a mirror and gasped when he saw that a few hickeys were unhidden from his neckerchief. Mordred! He was going to kill him! He literally his neck any place he could. Merlin swallowed and looked at the ground to try and hide a blush.

“I never thought I’d see the day where Merlin actually woos a girl,” he heard Arthur snort.

Gwen was probably rolling her eyes and slapping him on the chest, “was it that person you were telling me about? Did you finally get the courage to tell them how you feel?” Merlin nodded, finally picking his head up, only to see Gwen grinning at him and Arthur sending him a confused look, “I’m so happy for you, Merlin!” Gwen squealed and attacked him with a hug.

Merlin laughed and allowed her to hold him in her arms. Arthur shot him an annoyed look so he pulled away from the queen, “you’re just jealous I can cuddle with your wife and you can’t,” he shot with a smirk.

“MER-lin!”  
  


╔═════☩══♛══☩═════╗

 

“Y’know,” Mordred grinned, “that scarf would like better if it weren’t on you at all.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. The knight had found him on his way to return Arthur’s laundry and immediately pressed him against the wall when he noticed no one else was nearby. His arm was above Merlin’s head and the other was helping to support the basket the servant was holding.

“Shut up, someone’s going to see,” Merlin mumbled and pressed his lips together in a thin line, thinking.

Mordred smirked and leant in closer. His placed a soft kiss on the warlock’s jaw as his fingertips fiddled with his neckerchief.

“Mordred,” he sighed, giving in as the younger man pulled down a section of the material and began sucking at his skin, “you’ve got all my skin covered up now.”

Mordred smiled and then sucked at the sensitive skin under his ear. “Good,” he replied possessively, “you’re mine.”

He moved so he could press his lips to Merlin’s, resting a hand under his chin. Merlin smiled and melted into the kiss, his heart beaming in content. He kissed back passionately and sweetly. Whey pulled away they looked into each other’s eyes, blushing and grinning like school-girls. Mordred grabbed his hand and interlocked their fingers. He pulled Merlin down the hall with him. Merlin blushed when he saw that same servant from this morning grin at him. How did she manage to see them like this  _ again _ ? They had to be more careful.

Merlin bit his tongue, antsy for Mordred’s lips to be on his again. He gripped the knight’s hand and earned a tight squeeze back. Mordred pulled opened the door to the physician’s chambers and, after checking to see if Gaius was there, he pulled Merlin inside.

Merlin wanted to say something about how he should really return to his work but, hell, work could wait.

Mordred’s hands were on him again and they’re lips were pressed together for a kiss before they could even make it to his room.

“Mmmf, hold on-” Merlin slipped out between kisses. He threw the laundry onto the floor outside his room just as Mordred pulled him inside. Once the door was closed, Mordred shoved his hips against it and placed his mouth on Merlin’s.

The raven-haired man responded immediately, moving in sync with his lips. He whimpered softly when he felt Mordred slip his tongue into his mouth.

He still couldn’t believe this was happening. He didn’t know what it was or if it was bad or good. But he loved it either way.

“Wrap your arms around me,” Mordred brought him out of his thoughts with his deep but gentle voice. Merlin did as he said and slipped his arms on his neck, “jump.”

Merlin nodded nervously and jumped slightly, wrapping his legs around Mordred’s waist. He felt his hands go to support his weight and he instantly felt like jumping off.

Mordred noticed his faltered expression. “What’s wrong?” He asked, slightly alarmed. Merlin swallowed and looked down at their positions, “you’re not heavy, Merls, I’ve got you… I always have you,” Mordred smiled kindly and brushed a thumb against his cheek.

Merlin tried to hold back a blush but he failed. He heard Mordred begin to continue his words but he silenced him with a deep kiss, biting down on his lip harshly. He felt Mordred smile and opened his mouth.

Suddenly, there was a squeeze at his arse and he moaned softly, ignoring the small chuckle Mordred gave him. His back was then against the wall, creating a loud thud. Mordred pulled away and slipped a hand beneath his scarf. He pulled it off and threw it across the room, discarding it completely.

“I told you it would look better if it wasn’t on you,” Mordred chuckled in hopes of earning a laugh from Merlin. But the warlock looked impatient and focused on other things completely. He bit his lip, waiting for Mordred to give him another set of hickeys. He had to stop himself from letting a soft whine escape his mouth.

Mordred smiled at his querulous state and decided to tease him.

“Now that I’m thinking, I should probably let you get back to your chores,” he mumbled tauntingly, earning a frown from Merlin.

He smirked and continued with his plan, hovering his lips over his neck and making sure his breath hit his skin. He dragged his teeth faintly across his mid-neck, causing Merlin to whimper and squeeze his shoulders.

“Mordred,” he whined softly, “please?” He whined again.

Mordred grinned and nodded, deciding Merlin had enough. He placed his mouth on his neck and began sucking at his skin. He felt Merlin press into him and moan softly when he hit a sensitive spot. He licked his collarbone before sucking along it and down to his chest.

“M-Mor-”

The door suddenly swung open and they froze in their places. Merlin didn’t have to look to know it was Gaius. The physician was shocked and scarred, frozen, just like the other two.

Mordred awkwardly removed his mouth from Merlin’s neck and let him down to the ground. Merlin sucked in a deep breath, “Gaius-”

The physician sighed and turned the other way, walking back from where he came from.

Merlin looked at Mordred, sadness written across his face. He bolted from his spot and headed into the larger room where Gaius was seated at the table.

“Gaius, it wasn’t what it looked like,” he started, standing next to the old man, “I- we weren’t-”

“Merlin, I may be old but I’m smart enough to know what the marks on your neck mean… and, well, now I know what the term ‘ _ studying’  _ means to youngsters.”

Merlin’s eyes widened and he awkwardly tried to hide the hickey’s covering his skin. He heard footsteps and a minute later Mordred was behind him with his neckerchief. Merlin took it from him, thankfully, and covered his neck. He felt Mordred’s hand go for his hip but he moved away before he could place it there. He sighed sadly to himself.

“I’m not disappointed but I’m worried. You are both men, and although it is legal, it is frowned upon. The fact that you are knight and servant is also seen as… unfit. If anyone were to find out-”

“No one will find out,” Merlin cut him off, wanting the conversation to just end already.

“I think you’ll find it hard to hide your relationship, especially when you’re the king’s servant and knight.”

Merlin turned bright red, “we’re not courting!” Gaius rose an eyebrow and shot Mordred a look who simply shrugged, “we’re just, I don’t know… messing around,” Merlin mumbled with another blush. Gaius rose another eyebrow, “don’t give me that look!”

“What look?”

“That look! The one you give me when you’re silently judging me.”

“I’m not judging you, Merlin.”

Merlin sighed and moved a little closer to Mordred. He leaned into his touch and Mordred’s arm made its way around his waist. Gaius smiled a little. It brought up memories from when he was young and in love.


End file.
